Ray Stevens - Deerslayer lyrics

Late one night while driving home I
Stopped to use a roadside phone
To call my wife and tell her I
Was headed back
When somewhere out of the mist and
The fog came a
Big deer running from a pack of dogs
And that deer ran right into
The side of my Cadillac

Well, it cracked like thunder when
He banged his head
The deer fell over and I thought he's dead
And it spooked the dogs and they
Ran back In the woods
So I picked up that deer up by his feet
Laid him out real neat in my back seat
I'm thinkin' some venison stew
Might taste real good (Deerslayer)
That head will look real good up on my wall
What with those big antlers and all, heh, heh

Well, I started to put my car in
Drive when, son of a gun, he came alive
Kicking and snorting in the
Back of my Cadillac
Breaking windows and smashing doors
And I'm not gonna
Say what he did on the floor
And then he jumped the seat and
Stomped up and down my back

Well, I was trying to stay alive so I
Jumped out and left the deer inside
Ran to the phone so I could call 911
Then I heard a noise and froze in my tracks
Sounded like those dogs might be comin' back
And I looked up and sho-nuff here they come
(Deerslayer)

Well, leading that pack was a big old hound
His ears a floppin' and his
Nose to the ground
And I knew he wouldn't like
Me stealing his deer
Now that deer had his antlers up through the
Sunroof and I'm climbin' up
The telephone booth
When that dog jumped up and
Bit me on the rear

Help! Gimme the police! Thank God for 911
Somebody get on here quick and be
Sure to bring your gun
I got hound dogs nippin' at my heels
And Bambi's wreckin' my Coupe DeVille
Help! Gimme the police! Thank God for 911

Well, the hound dogs held us both at bay
'til the po-lice came and chased them away
Then they said, "Buddy, you can
Drop that phone now, and come on down
We can't think of any rhyme or reason for you
Having that deer 'cause it's out of season
And I think we'd better all go
See the judge back in town"

(Deerslayer)

Well, you see your Honor
I'd just like to mention that the deer
Was in bad need of medical attention
And would you believe I was
Taking him to the vet?
He said thirty days and you do it again and
I'll lock you up 'til Lord knows when
And teach you a lesson you will never forget

Now my Cadillac's a total wreck I got
Hoof prints all over my back
And dog bites on my toes and up my shins
My wife's run off- my job is gone and
I'm here in the jailhouse all alone
And I know one thing I won't ever say again

Help! Gimme the police! Thank God for 911
Somebody get on here quick and be
Sure to bring your gun
I got hound dogs nippin' at my heels
And Bambi's wreckin' my Coupe DeVille
Help! Gimme the police! Thank God for 911

I'll tell you one thing - from now on
Road kill is off my menu
At least from now on -
I'll make sure it's dead!
And not just playin' possum

Venison stew - Humph!
I'll take chicken noodle soup any day!
BBQ's good too
And sausage! Hey, Jimmy Dean is my hero