Ray Stevens - Dudley Dorite (Of the Highway Patrol) lyrics

Well they call him Dudley Dorite
But that's not his real name
The toughest highway cop from California
To Maine he hides back in the bushes
With the latest radar
He'll take your picture
Then he'll catch you in his modified car
His heart's hard as concrete and his
Blood is ice cold
He's Dudley Dorite of the highway
Patrol - Dudley Dorite

He'll pull up behind you
In that fast-modified car
And walk up to you and hook both thumbs
Over that black hand-tooled
Leather pistol belt
Look down at you from behind
Them cool hand Luke
Man with no eyes, sunglasses and say
"Clocked you back 'ar At 57 1
2 miles an hour, yeah I did
Guess you know you're in a
Heap o'trouble don't you boy?
Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh"
He rides a big ole Harley, got a Mustang GT
And a bell helicopter hidden
In the pine trees
If he catches you for speedin'
It's ten years to life
And if you protest he takes your
First born child, your house, and your wife

You wanna let me see your license there boy?
You do have a license, don't you boy?
You wanna just take it out of
That there wallet there for me, boy?
Yeah… well, looka here what we have here?

I was down in the Southland, late for a show
Had the pedal to the metal and
A long way to go
Talkin' on the CB, had my fuzz-buster on
There was not a soul in sight
So I kept movin' along
Looked in my mirror and Lord bless my soul
There was Dudley Dorite of the
Highway patrol - Dudley Dorite

Well, looky what we got here
Mr raymone Stevenson
Ole Ahab The Arab his own self
You want an autograph? Huh? Not exactly, son
My wife Ethel, uh
You do 'member Ethel don't you, boy?
That shameless hussy
She was sayin' to me she says "Bubba"
That's right, name's Bubba
And I just happen to be the lustrous
Potentate of this here local shrine temple
"Bubba, why do you s'pose it is that that
Raymone Steveson treats us so ugly
On all his phonograph records?"
And I said "I don't know"
And I turned to my brother Clyde
And his wife, sister Bertha
And they said they didn't know neither
'Bout that time
My nephew Harv Newland come in and I sez
"Harv, have you heard
That Raymone Stevenson's
Latest meanness on the phonograph record?"
He looked up at me and said, "yeah, I did
And Uncle Bubba how do you s'pose it is
That Raymone Steveson knew I had a
Steeple on my barber shop?"
Well, I guess you just better
Come along with me, boy
Ole deputy Coy's got a bone or two he'd
Like to pick with you his own self
Guess ever-thing ain't so dadburned beautiful
Right now, is it, huh?
Well they call him Dudley Dorite
But that's not his real name
The toughest highway cop from
California to Maine
He hides back in the bushes
With the latest radar
He'll take your picture
Then he'll catch you in his modified car
His heart's hard as concrete and
His blood is ice cold
He's Dudley Dorite of the highway
Patrol - Dudley Dorite