Ray Stevens - Gourmet Restaurant lyrics

Well I went to the Chez Paris
The food was good there I'd been told
They said I should try some
Of that there Vichyssoise
But when they brought it, it was cold
I said
"Don't you just have some tomater soup?"
And he said, "The gazpacho is awfully nice"
I said, "Well bring me a big bowl of that"
And he did and dad blame if
It wasn't cold as ice!

Oh you can have those
High priced gourmet restaurants
Yeah the waiters act snooty and
Walk kind of fruity
And they won't bring you what you want!
Well, I like greens, and cornbread and beans
And a big ol' glass of iced tea
I tell ya friends
Those gourmet restaurants ain't for me!
Well a few months later some friends insisted
We try out the Chateau Larieux
After waiting an hour and a half
We finally sat down, and heck
I couldn't even read the menu!
So I asked the waiter, "How's the beef?"
He said "Ze steak tartar is
Ze best you ever had"
But when he brought it
Friends I though I'd seen rare meat
But this wasn't even hurt real bad!

A couple band-aids and that boy'd
Been back out there grazing!

Well, I just couldn't eat that steak tartar
I was confused in every
Way i wasn't even too sure
About the soup du jour
I hear they change that every day!
And then the waiter said, "Monsieur, I have
Frogs legs that are guaranteed to please, "
I said, "Well, hooray boy
Hop on back there in the kitchen
And bring me a grilled cheese!"

Well they said I ought to at least
Try out some of their wonderful desserts
I hadn't been able to eat anything
Else, so I figured, heck, what could it hurt
I thought I'd like a little ice cream
And the waiter said if that was my desire
"Ze Cherries Jubilee is magnifique"
But when he brought it, heck
It was still on fire!

And I jumped up and throwed a bowl of
That cold potater soup on it before
It could set off the
Sprinkler system probably
Saved 'em from a major fire
But did they appreciate it? No!
Asked me not to
Never come back no need to worry about that!

They said the food at that place was fit
For a king, and they were righthere King
Here boy

Heh heh, beef tournedos
Now what's that? Steak that's been
Run over by an Oldsmobile?

Now I can understand chocolate eggs
And chocolate bunny rabbit's
But a chocolate moose? Ain't
Never gonna catch on