Ray Stevens - Juanita and the Kids lyrics

I got a letter from the IRS
Inviting me to be their guest at an audit
They were conducting just for me

They said, "No need to worry
Probably nothing wrong
Just bring your wife and children along
We just need to clear
Up a small technicality"

Now the only problem with an audit is
My wife Juanita and our fourteen kids
Friends, you cannot believe the refunds
They have been worth
But it was years ago that I got this idea
And I bought Juanita in the mail from Korea
She's an inflatable doll
But she came with a certificate of birth!

I was a single guy without any deductions
So I claimed Juanita, and what a reduction!
I received with her as my spouse
On the taxes I pay

That worked so well that
Every year after that
I recorded a birth when I paid my tax
Each kid certified by Cabbage Patch, USA

Oh, Juanita (Juanita) my inflatable señorita
The IRS wants to take you
And the children away (Away yay yay yay)
You and Jim and Tammy, Lonnie and Bert
Farrah, Charo, Michael, and Kurt
Jan and Dean, Erline, Louise, Barbara
And Little Ray (Little Ray)

So I dressed Juanita like the perfect mother
Velcroed the children to one another
And when we walked into
That audit those people
Nearly flipped their lids! Heh heh heh!

I said
"Juanita might lay around and never cook
And the children don't clean their rooms
And never crack a book
But hey they ain't much different from
My brother's wife and kids! Uh, huh!
"And I got Social Security cards
Here for every one
My wife, my daughters, and all of my sons
All officially issued by the
Government of the USA

"So before you call me down to muster
Somebody here better think twice, buster!
Do you really wanna be the one to accuse
The government of making a big mistake? Huh?"

Oh, Juanita (Juanita) my sioto señorita
The IRS wants to take you
And the children away (Away yay yay yay)
You and Jim and Tammy, Lonnie and Bert
Farrah, Charo, Michael, and Kurt
Jan and Dean, Erline, Louise, Barbara
And Little Ray (Little Ray)

That agent sat there, his mouth agape
Thinking over that government mistake
And how his civil service career
Could be at it's end

And then he reached for a stamp that read
"Approved" and said
"Hope the kids do better next year in school!
And why don't you and the Missus drop by and
Say hello now and then! Heh heh heh!"

Oh, Juanita (Juanita) He he he!
My inflatable señorita
Looks like you and the kids all get to stay
(Stay yay yay yay) He he he! (Spoken)
What's that
Honey? You say you need to get home quick?
You say you started to feel a little sick?
And you think you might once again
Be in a family way? Ha ha ha ha!
What's that? You think it might
Be triplets this time?
Ho ho ho ho, Juanita, you are a wonder
Ha ha ha! Do what? Why
Of course we can support your mother!
Heh heh heh! I even think her moving
Expenses are deductible! He he he!
Does she still live in Bangkok?