Ray Stevens - Little League lyrics

You know, i don't regret one minute that
I spent with my kids
I guess it was one of the
Best things that I ever did
And I don't begrudge a day I
Spent trying to meet their needs
Unless it was that year I volunteered
To coach the Little League

I remember batting practice
I put a baseball on a string
And I told this kid, "When I nod my head
Haul off and hit that thing"
Gotta give him credit
He did exactly what I said
'Cause the second that I nodded
He hit me in the head

Oh, pitch and catch and hit and run
Now how hard can it be?
But, if you think it's just a game
You're wrong as you can be
I never had a harder job
More stress and more fatigue
Than the year I volunteered to
Coach the Little League
Well, we lost the season opener and
Then games two and three
Nobody could seem to hit the ball and
It was sitting on a tee
Then my kid finally hit a
Little dribbler in the dirt
And you know, I think he
Could have beat it out
If he'd only run towards first

Then I told my wife, "I'm quittin'
'cause every game's the same
They whine and cry and fuss and
Fight and argue and complain"
And she said, "Well, well
Why don't you just call their parents?
Maybe they can help you out"
I said, "Honey, you don't seem to understand
It's the parents I'm talking about"

Oh, pitch and catch and hit and run
Now how hard can it be?
Yeah, but if you think it's just a game
You're wrong as you can be
I never had a harder job
More stress and more fatigue
Than the year I volunteered to
Coach the Little League

And then we finally won a game
The other team didn't show up
Seems the coach had a nervous breakdown
Trying to figure out his lineup
He had a dozen kids and eighteen parents
But there was only one hitch
Fifteen parents wanted to coach and
Eleven kids wanted to pitch

And then the last game of the season
Was the wildest one by far
Umpire ran screaming from the field and
Locked himself in the car
And as the parents beat and rocked the car
Trying to make it tip i'm back on the field
Giving the kids a lecture
On good sportsmanship

Oh, pitch and catch and hit and run
Now how hard can it be?
Yeah, but if you think it's just a game
You're wrong as you can be
I never had a harder job
More stress and more fatigue
Than the year I volunteered to
Coach the Little League
Oh, why'd I ever volunteer to
Coach the Little League?
Yeah, then there was that game we tied
Nothing to nothing
Brickbat came sailing out of the stands
Laid the umpire out cold
One of the little mothers threw it
Said the umpire was a
Four-eyed, lying, cheating, no-good bozo
She ought to know
She's been married to him for fourteen years
You know, this is a dangerous job
I think I'm gonna get a job
On a SWAT team or something
Whoo, you could get hurt out here