Ray Stevens - Shriner's Convention lyrics

Yeah, they come down Main Street
Drums a flailing
Sirens a-wailin', what a roar
Bands are a-playin' and flags are a-wavin'
And the vanguard’s a motorcycle corps
Clowns are a-clownin' through the
Crowd and pinchin'
Every pretty girl who dares to smile
It’s a glorious mess, everybody wears a fez
The parade stretches out for miles

It’s a typical American phenomenon
Where all the members have a fine old time
It’s the forty-third annual convention
Of the Grand Mystic Royal Order
Of the Nobles of the Ali
Baba Temple of the Shrine
Meanwhile back at the motel

Operator, give me room
Three-twenty-one, please
Hello? Noble Lumpkin?
This here’s the 'Lust'er's Potentate
I said it’s the 'Lustr'ous Potentate
The Illustr'ous -Coy, dad-blame it
This here’s Bubba coy
Why ain't you at the parade? What? Well
How'd you get that big Harley
Up there in your room? What?
I cain't hear ya, Coy, quit revvin' it up
Boy turn it off i just want you to know one
Thing- you have embarr’ssed us all
The whole Hahira delegation
Now, I'll see you at the banquet
Son, and you be there, Coy, you hear me?
Black tie, seb'n o'clock be there, Coy!
And Coydon't answer the phone Uddn'uddn

Well, it was all arranged
By the ladies' auxiliary
In the downtown convention hall
Cold roast beef, string beans
Mashed potatoes
And nine boring speeches in all
And all the tables looked fine
With their Mogen David wine
And chrysanthemums on each side
And the Hahira leaders in
Their rented tuxedos
Made the local hearts swell with pride

Meanwhile back at the motel

Operator? Three-twenty-one, please, thank you
Hello, Coy, what are you doin'?
Whaddaya mean, who is this? This is Bubba
Why wasn't you at the banquet?
Whaddaya mean, all you had to wear was
A Hawaiian flowerdy shirt?
Well, you may think you're
Foolin' some people, but I know what’s
Goin' on everybody’s seen the little
Red head that’s right, ever'body
Why, she come runnin' through the dinner
Right in the middle of
The pineapple sherbert didn't have nothin'
On but yer fez, coy
Coy, you the only one’s GOT a
Fez with a propeller on top!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and she’s yellin'
Out the secret code, too
Coy we gon' have to change it now
Dad blame it, Coy, we goin' have to have a
Special meetin' when we get
To Hahira about yer conduct at
This here convention embarrassing
Now Coy, you be at
The secret conclave tonight
You hear me? And keep it a secret hoo!

Well, it was a secret meeting in
The dead of the night
With mysterious sanctimony
In accordance with prescribed rituals
A time-honored ceremony
Matters of grave concern were
Weighed with dedicated caution
Like whether or not to raise at stud
Or draw at spit-in-the-ocean

Meanwhile back at the motel

Operator, room three-twenty -h-how'd
You know? Oh
Hello, Coy? Where h have you been?
No-o-o, you wasn't at the meeting
Well, I found out that at three
O'clock this morning you’s out
There in your Fruit-Of The-Looms in
The motel swimmin' pool
Bunch o' them waitresses from
The cocktail hour huh, I just hope your mama
Don't find out about this, coy what?
Well, how'd you get that big
Motorsickle up there ON
The high dive, Coy? Now Coy, dad burnit
That ain't no way to act we s'posed
To be pillars of the community!
'N we get back to Hahira, you can just turn
In your ring and your tie tack, 'cause Coy
You are OUT of the Shrine
You gon' be blackballed, Coy! That’s right
You may have t' pack yer bags and leave town!
What do you mean
You might join the Hell’s Angels?
Coy, hoo, don't you hang up on me no
Don't you crank that motorsickle! Who’s that
Gigglin' in the background, coy?
Hello? Hello? Operator, we’s cut off!
Yeah, room three-twenty-one!
Dad blame it Coy! You don't hang up on
The illustrious Potentate!
I said the illustrious Potentate!
This is Bubba! Bubba! COY!