Ray Stevens - Sittin' Up with the Dead lyrics

Well out in the country
We didn't have mortuaries
And so it was always customary
For the undertaker to do his job
And lay your kin out right there at home
Well the church would loan ya foldin' chairs
And you'd have visitation and
Everything right there
But when the nighttime come you had
To sit up with the dead
'cause it wasn't right to leave 'em alone

Well, the last time I sat up was '65
When my old arthritic Uncle Fred died
He was 97 and so stooped over
The morticians couldn't straighten him out
They used a loggin' chain to hold him down
And covered that all up with
A cape and a gown
And didn't tell nobody in the family
'cause that's the kind of stuff folks
Just don't want to know about
Well we were all sittin' there it
Was 3 in the mornin'
And then there come up a cloud
A-thunder lightnin' and stormin'
Well, that lightnin' flashed and
That thunder clapped
And that chain 'round old
Uncle Fred went 'snap'
And rattled and fell to the
Floor with a thump
And Uncle Fred just sat right up!

And I ain't sittin' up with the dead no more
I don't know 'bout you
No, I ain't sittin' up with the dead no more
No matter what ya say or do
They say the dead can't hurt
Ya 'cause they already left
But what they left can sure
Make ya hurt yourself
And I ain't sittin' up with the dead no more
Since the dead started sittin' up too
Lord, have mercy!

Well when Uncle Fred sat up
So did everyone there
And there came a great partin'
Of the foldin' chairs
And that preacher nearly knocked me down
He said
"Oh, I'm headin' out that kitchen door!"
I said "Rev
That kitchen ain't got no door in it!"
He said "Don't worry son
It will have in a minute!"
And I ain't never seen so
Much jumpin' and shovin' before

And then somebody stepped on
An old cat's tail
It let out a scream, a screech, a wail
And to say the least
That howl didn't help to
Calm the situation down
And then that lightnin' flashed and
That house went black
And I spoke to my feets I said "Boys
Make tracks!" and I went out that screen
Door lickety split for town!
Well I cut through the cemetary
Fell in a hole it was Uncle Fred's grave
And it was dark and cold!
Yeah, the town drunk dug it and
He dug it too deep and unbeknownst to me
He's still in there asleep
And I'm scratchin' and jumpin' tryin' to
Get out of that hole
And he woke up and said:
"You might as well come over here
And sit down beside me, boy
'cause you ain't gettin' outta here tonight"
But, I did!

And I ain't sittin' up with the dead no more
I don't know 'bout you
No, I ain't sittin' up with the dead no more
No matter what ya say or do
They say the dead can't hurt
Ya 'cause they already left
But what they left can sure
Make ya hurt yourself
And I ain't sittin' up with the dead no more
Since the dead started sittin' up too

Wasn't no sense in nobody sittin'
Up with Uncle Fred anyhow!
Uncle Fred done gonna be sittin'
Up with his OWN self
Next time, I'm just gonna send flowers! yeah