Ray Stevens - Smokey Mountain Rattlesnake Retreat lyrics

Well me and Doris went on vacation
We decided we needed more than recreation
So we enrolled in a Bible camp retreat
I got the directions and we took off
It only took six hours to get completely lost
Way back up in the
Mountains of east Tennessee

Well it was getting real dark and
I was starting to fret
Doris said, look yonder bet that's it
She pointed to the lights to this little
Church way back in the bush
An old man met us, I said just two
He escorted us down to the very first pew
I said Doris I don't think
This is the right place, she just said hush
Well they preached some sermons
And sang some songs
Then they preached some more and
Went on and on nearly wore me out I'd had
About all I could take
Then they pulled down the shades
And things quieted down
This guy next to me punched me said
Here pass this down
I turned to look and son of a
Gun he handed me a snake

Oh the night that me and Doris
Went running through the forest
Way back up in the hills of Tennessee
Yeah we started making tracks
When they broke out that diamond back
It scared the devil out of
Poor old Doris and me

He said take it man don't you believe
I said I believe all right
I believe I'll leave
And I reached for Doris but she done
Fainted away white as a sheet
Now I couldn't pick her up
And I couldn't find the door
And them rattlers were crawling
All around the floor
And friends that's when the
Spirit hit my feet

I started running down the aisles
And bouncing off the walls
Like somebody teed off a new golf ball
In a tiled bathroom friends I
Mean I was moving on
I'd run past Doris every minute or two
Trying to shake her awake her
But it wasn't no use
For a while there I thought the Lord
Had called the poor thing home
Then somebody dropped a big one in her lap
Doris come too and something in her snapped
She grabbed that thing by the tail
Commenced swinging it around her head
Then she gave it a crack like LashLaRue
The head came off and sailed across the room
Then she did a tap dance on the rest
Of them suckers till they was all dead

Well I grabbed her by the hand
And we headed for the car
When she hollered to the preacher
I don't know who you are
Or where you came from or how
You ever learn how to preach
But let me tell you something
You old raggedy cat
You don't know nothing about
Running a Bible Camp
And me and my husband are on
Our way to Daytona Beach

Oh the night that me and Doris
Went running through the forest
Way back up in the hills of Tennessee
Yeah we started making tracks
When they broke out that diamond back
It sure scared the devil out of
Poor old Doris and me

Oh the night that me and Doris
Went running through the forest
Way back up in the hills of Tennessee
Yeah we started making tracks
When they broke out that diamond back
It sure scared the devil out of
Poor old Doris and me