Ray Stevens - Southern Air lyrics

Southern Air, Southern Air
If you're flying down to Dixie
You won't find a cheaper fare
Southern Air,  Southern Air
Yeah, we'll treat you like kinfolks
But, you better have time to spare

Yeah, there I was
I'd just stepped on board flight
Number 78492100976 5432 827657
Flying nonstop from Heyhiward, Georgia
To Yazoo City, mississippi
Done bought me one of them triple
Ultra super saver center sleep tickets
Set down there between a duck and a Ledbetter
Fella tried to talk to me, couldn't
Understand a word he was sayin'
Sounded like a log truck
Duck didn't say nothin'
All of a sudden I hear this
Voice comin' in over the intracom
This here is Captain Jerry Clower, whoo!
I wanta welcome all y'all to Southern Air
We'll be ready for takeoff shortly
Just as soon as they clear the runway
There was a gun rack in the cockpit
It beat all I'd ever seen
They had complimentary copies
Of Mechanics Magazine
We peeled rubber on the runway
Looking out my window screen
I saw an "eat more possum" bumper sticker
Stuck out on the wing

Southern Air, Southern Air
Flying high over Dixie
Going where no others dare
Southern Air, we're Southern Air
Yeah, we'll take you to your kinfolks
But, you better have time to spare

Yeah, there I was
Must have been 500 feet over them pine trees
Duck had done fainted on takeoff
Had his little head layin' on my arm there
His little tongue just all hangin' out
We flew past Stone Mountain
Crossed that Alabama state line
Got so close to Enterprise you could
Almost see that Boll Weevil wine
Then I heard this sharp ringin' in my ear
Howdy! My name is Miss Pearl and I'll be
Your stewardess for the duration
Of this flight
As you can see Captain Clower has
Turned off the No Chewin' sign
Now y'all feel free to kick your
Shoes off, get up, roam around
Get to know your neighbors
Right now I just want to
Get to know this good-looking
Handsome young hunk of man right cheer
She served Nehis, Moon Pies
Bowls of butter beans
Gone with the Wind was skippin'
On that movie screen
While Marcelle, Claudelle, Raynell, Eunell
Clovis and Eugene
We're all taking turns at the churn
Turnin' out peach ice cream

Southern Air, we're Southern Air
Flying high over Dixie
Country comforts in the air
Southern Air, Southern Air
If you're dyin' to see your kinfolks
Well, you better have time to spare

Yeah, there I was
That Miss Pearl was givin' me more attention
Then she did that first class passenger
Kept showin' me all the new safety
Tips and playin' with my seatbelt
Got me so nervous I dropped my last piece
Of pecan pie right on that duck's head
That little feller come to and
Jumped up a-quacking and a-squallin'
Didn't know where he was
Started runnin' up and down the aisle
Tripped over the ice cream freezer
Stepped in Marcelle's sweet potatoes
And flew out the screen door and was gone!
Nothin' but feathers
Then I heard that voice again
Comin' in over the intracom
I can see Yazoo City from here! Whoo!
Now don't y'all fret about that landin' none
I got up early this mornin'
And put on a brand new set of
Them big foot mud grippin' tires
Through rain or shine, we stayed behind
Lord it was quite a show
How that duck beat us to Yazoo
Well, I guess I'll never know
And that moony girl they called Miss Pearl
Just wouldn't let me go
While that Captain kept on talkin'
On his 2-way radio

Southern Air, Southern Air
Uncle Mercy! Can you get them
Cows off the runway?
Southern Air, Southern Air