Ray Stevens - The Baptism of Stumpy Brown lyrics

The day we baptized ol' Stumpy Brown
The river was so full and
Fast the poor man nearly drowned
We'd never had a baptismal
Service of that kind
That day ol' Stumpy left much more
Than his old life behind

Now Stumpy Brown was a veteran
Of many a foreign war he lived a rowdy life
Never gave his heart to God before
But when he reached his 90s
That old heart grew tender
And one stormy Sunday morning he
Came forward and surrendered
Now the preacher said we'll baptize you
Next Sunday in the river
But Stumpy said as old as I am Rev
It's gotta be now or never
Now the river was a torrent and the
Preacher said think about this again
But Stumpy grabbed him by the
Hand, said come on Rev, we're goin' in
The day we baptized ol' Stumpy Brown
The river was so full and fast
The poor man nearly drowned
We'd never had a baptismal
Service of that kind
That day ol' Stumpy left much more
Than his old life behind

Well, the preacher plunged him
'neath the flood and a brand new man arose
But ol' Stumpy left more than his old
Man in that river heaven knows
He left his uppers and
His lowers, his checkbook, credit cards
Yeah, a wad of bills
Arthritis pills and the keys to both his cars
Glasses, toupee, but the thing I most recall
Is waving back to his artificial arms
That went over the falls

Well, he paddled from the river and
Knelt there on the bank
We thought it was to praise the Lord
And to stop and offer thanks
Then he finally yelled come help me
Are ya gonna make me beg
Oh can't you see I can't get up
I've lost my wooden leg

The day we baptized ol' Stumpy Brown
Yeah, the river was so full and
Fast the poor man nearly drowned
We'd never seen a baptismal
Service of that kind
That day ol' Stumpy left much more
Than his old life behind