Ray Stevens - The Haircut Song lyrics

Well, when you get a haircut
You'd better go back home
When you get a haircut
Get a barber you have known
Since you were a little bitty boy
Sittin' in a booster chair
'Cause you might look like Larry
Moe or Curly if a stranger cuts your hair

Well, Butte, Montana just a passin' through
One thing I just had to do
Had to get a haircut and I
Was worried for my hair
I had a feeling of impending doom the
Minute I stepped into that room
And laid my eyes upon
That barber chairoh yeah
It was a macho barber shop hair dryers
Were mounted on a rifle rack
Wasn't no mirrors the barber chair was
A Peterbilt barber walked in
He was huge, seven feet tall
Three hundred pounds of spring steel and
Rawhide wearin' a hard hat, chewin' a cigar
Had a t-shirt on - said
"I hate musicians" Threw me in
The chair, sneered and said, "What'll it
Be pal?" Now a lot of people would
Be intimidated in a situation like
Thisi was not i am what I am, play my piano
Sing my little
Songs i looked him right in the eye and I
Said, "I'm a loggerjust up in Coos Bay
Oregon been toppin' trees -
Quite possibly the toughest
Man in the entire world he said
"All right!" He gave me a haircut and I
Walked out of there, my hair was gone!
Made Kojak look like Bill Golden yeah
Had a tremendous craving to
Operate heavy equipment
Now, you may think that Butte
Montana haircut's the worst any
Man could ever getwrong!

Well, a few months later I was in LA
Truckin' along on a smoggy day
I needed a haircut so bad
I looked like Bozo the Clown
I was looking shaggy, not too good
I'd put it off as long as I could
And Lord, I hate to get a haircut out of town

Well, I walked in immediately
And realized immediately that
This guy was into punk rock the walls
Were done in black leather had chains and
Whips and handcuffs hangin' on 'em barber
Walked in, he had orange hair black
Mascara stainless steel
Teeth black leather jacket with zinc
Studs he threw me in the chair, hit
Me a couple times - whap, whap -
Chained me down, threw a Nazi
Flag over me said
I'm gonna tell you something might make you a
Little nervous i laughed, ha ha ha i said
"What could possibly make me
Nervous?" He said, "I'm gay" Nooo
Problem i'm not threatened in any way i
Mean, I'm secure in my manhood
Everything is cooli am what I
Am, play my little piano
Sing my little songs i
Looked him right in the eye i said
"I'm a logger
Played football in high school i was in
The Marine Corps" He said, "All right, " and
He gave me a haircut i walked out of
There, friends, my hair was purple well
At least that mohawk section down the
Middle was purple had a white
Streak down one side other
Side looked like Mr t had a couple safety
Pins in my cheeks felt a
Teeny bit conspicuous luckily
My next job was in San Fransisco shoot
I got up there and I didn't
Even stand out at all
Wasn't even close! Those people thought
I was an insurance salesman!

Well, a few months later, I
Was way down South
Grit's and gravy and a hush your mouth
Hair so long I'm startin' to look
Like a man in drag
It was then that the sheriff
Came up and said, "Boy
You got too much hair on your head
You better get yourself a haircut
Or a dog tag!"

Well, when I stepped into the shop
I realized immediately that I was
Dealing with a born-again
Barber don't see too many barber shops with a
Steeple had an organ in the corner
A choiran usher led me to the
Barber chair barber walked in, started
Saying grace, "Oh Lord
For these haircuts we are about to receive
May we be truly thankful dominus possum
Pax probiscus, post mortem, et
Tu Brute, puella carborundum he
Was sorta half-Baptist
Half-Catholic kind of a Cathtist
He started cuttin' my
Hair and preachin' at the same time i
Mean he's a wild man, scissors and
Razors a-flyin' around my head
He's talkin' about the liquor and
Wild women and music and
Sex and the evils of dancing
And the music business in
General then he looked down at
Me and he said, "What do
You do for a living?" Now
I'm not ashamed of what
I do for a livin' workin' bars and casinos
Around liquor and
Wild women, I just play my piano
Sing my little songs
I looked him right in the eye and I said
"I run this church for loggers"

When you get a haircut
Be sure to go back home
When you get a haircut
Get a barber you have known
Since you were a little bitty boy
Sittin' in a booster chair
Or you might look like Larry
Moe or Curly if a stranger cuts your hair