Ray Stevens - We're Havin' a Baby lyrics

When we were having our first baby
The wife said to me, "Maybe
We should have this child the natural way 
(The natural way)
Without drugs or medication
But in peaceful meditation
We'll start this child out on it's merry way"

So we enrolled into a school and
Learned to breathe both out and in
Then proudly told our family and our friends

We're having a baby (Baby) the natural way
We're having a baby
(Baby) , we're happy to say
This child will enter into
Life in sweet tranquility
The way the old folks did
It all down through history
Queens and peasants have both done it
So just how hard can it be?
We're having a baby
(Baby) the natural way (The natural way)
Our reluctant obstetrician
Made just one one condition
We could have the child naturally
But in a delivery room
So we kept breathing and rehearsing
'Til the day came for the birthing
Then my wife said sweetly, "Let's go, dear
The baby's coming soon"

So I grabbed our bags and drove her
There and got her all checked in
But neither one of us was ready
For all that happened then

She started having that baby
(Baby) the natural way
She started having the baby
(Baby) and I'm sorry to say
Well, there was yelling, screaming, bleeding
And the cursing of my name
We forgot how to breathe when
The labor really came then she yelled
"Nobody told me that there'd
Be this much pain! I'm not having this baby
(Baby) the natural way! (The natural way) "

I said, "Now, now, honey, pant and puff"
She said, "Shut your mouth, I've had enough!"
And then from the pit of Hell
There came a primal scream
She got me in a tight chokehold
Grabbed the doctor by his stethoscope
And then a voice from The Exorcist said
"Give me morphine"

They gave her a shot
She relaxed her grip and I
Passed out on the floor
The baby came, she did just fine, in fact
We had two more
But we didn't have those babies
(Babies) the natural way we had those babies
(Babies) , I'm happy to say
In an air-conditioned hospital with
Every modern aid
With syringes filled with the very
Best painkillers ever made
You can bet your life there's one thing
That you'll never hear us say
"We're having a baby
(Baby) the natural way (The natural way) "

You know it just ain't natural having
A baby the natural way hey doc
Could we have a little
More painkiller over here? Thank you
I think my wife could use a little too
Heh heh we're not having a baby
(Baby) the natural way