Rustage, Dan Bull, The Stupendium - Captain's Quarters lyrics

Welcome to the Captain's Quarters
It's all back in order
I be getting healthy so I ordered
My big mac with water
Acting cautious
On my ship you're trapped, Andorra
Getting in my way I leave em crushed
Like they a bag of walkers

They acting useless like reddit karma
They lacking answers
I'll make em perish, like I'm Obama
They crash like java
I pull the llama
I be grinding time in Stardew Valley
So by now I think I'm
Qualified to be a farmer

Never had a ciggy but smoking the competition
They listen
The only time I drop the
Mic is when I'm trippin
Non-fiction, my blood is mythical
Biblical, making miracles
My brother caused a motherfucking flood
When he was christened

Look at all the people who
Watch me on every Friday
Look at all the rappers that
Copy my font and typeface
They be getting bread I
Be getting Carbohydrates
When they hear the beat then they
Be ducking like a sidechain

A lazy Sunday sitting comfy in the country
When suddenly the butler Humphrey
Comes to bug me
The Captain wants some company in
The club. Lovely jubbly
You've heard of getting smashed? I'll
Be getting Humpty Dumptied
Every time I step up in the booth I'm
Supping on suds with a touch of vermouth
Dunking my tongue in it's russet-y hues
Or some other subtly bubbly fluid
Intricate mixture of pickling my
Innards and tickling
My quill til' I suddenly spew
Lyrical wizardry
Spitting my musical missives like
Bibbidi bobbidi boo
Climbing the drapes. I'm going ape. Raising
The roof just like Shwabadi do
'Cause it's the bear necessities to
Reap a little hulla-Baloo
These chaps got the raps on tap, The Cap
The Chairman and Douglby too
There's nothing to do but glug on a couple
Of rums and a lovely pineapple juice
Nouveau riche trio here to stir some trouble
One minute at the bar
I'm already seeing doubles
Or triples, quadruples
You know why they call them tipples?
'Cause I'm tipping back the spirit's 'til
I'm filled up to the nipples

My rhyme schemes are convoluted
Some are genius
Some are stupid
And as soon as you should hear them
Your mind becomes polluted
I'm the undisputed tycoon
Of high-falutin' music
Providing you with highly putrid views
No time to mute it
I'm just too quick, I can't
Just spit on the mic
I leave it glistening
Bright with slimy mucous. Your wife still
Finds that I'm the cutest
And though my pride and hubris
Invites a looming crisis
I regardless find the lark just
Far too amusing to quit
I might lose a few quid, but I'll recoup it
By revealing my new trick
It's killing you with half
A billiard cue stick
I haven't devised a method to monetise
It really but fook it
I just find gratuitous
Mindless violence soothing
Therapeutic
That's half the fun, now pass the rum
I'd like a glass of some
Slurping it so hard it's like a
Harlot's bum that's farting cum
Lining up shots faster than a starting gun
Christ, what the fuck have I just done?