Social Repose - I Wrote A Song Using My Old Suicide Note lyrics

To whom this may concern
My name is Richard M Giese
And I have decided to end my life tonight

This isn't an act of aggression
Or vengeance towards any one
I just feel like I don't have a place here
Anymore and I don't think I ever did
I'd prefer to choose my end
Before the end finds me
And I used to be so afraid
To write something like this, but
I'm not scared i'm not afraid anymore
I'm not here to prove some grand point
In order to justify why I did this or what
Was my ultimate purpose for
Coming into this world
Because, I've concluded that I
Never found my purpose
I tried my absolute hardest to
Push those feelings of


Worthlessness off of me but
Can't fight it anymore
I would say I'm sorry, but I'm not
This was for me and while
That may sound selfish
I pushed everyone away years ago
I made it impossible for you to help

To my sister
I know we've disagreed on so many
Ideologies and fundamental core values
But you were always so respectful
And you should be proud that you're
One of the good ones
Keep your head help high because
You have so much to look forward
To in your remaining years
Try to understand that I fell
Out of touch because
I didn't know what to say
Not because I didn't deeply care for you
Even though, i was the broken weird kid
Growing up you always
Had my back and you should never forget that

To my brother i wish I didn't treat
Everything like a competition
We are so different yet so similar
Some of my favorite memories are waking up
Early and playing videogames with you
And I've used that warmth to guide me
Through some of my worst moments
Sometimes, I threw you under the bus
And I'll never forgive myself for that
But I hope you can forgive me
I know you always meant well and
You've built a life for yourself and
I've never been happier to see you succeed

To my father you told me I was a
Degrace when your mother died
And I never really shook that
I know we've had our issues
But underneath it all I admire you so much
I hated you for such a
Large portion of my life
But as I grew up I realized that you
Always had my best interest in mind
I know you still think I'm a sociopath
And I don't blame you for
Coming to that conclusion
But understand that I put my walls up
As a defense mechanism to protect myself
I could blame you for contributing
To my inability to let anyone in
But I know that would be a lie you did your
Best and that's all I could have asked for
PS i'm sorry I never paid you back
The $4000 for my first tour
I know the resentment grew, not because
You needed the money but because
I failed to keep my promise
You raised me to be better than that

To my mother
I know this is going to hit you the hardest
And I don't want to be anymore of a burden
I love you so fucking much
And I wish you could hold me tonight
When I take my last breath
The same way you held me in the hospital
When you let me take my first
Above everyone else, you meant the most
You didn't give up on me
I know we stopped saying I
Love you awhile ago
But I love you and your snide comments always
Came from a place of understanding
I can still remember the first
Time I told you
I was having suicidal thoughts a decade ago
And how your voice quivered when you
Spoke about your fear of me living alone
That stayed with me and even
Though you were never affectionate
I know you care about me and
I regret not verbalizing my
Feelings more often
I'm asking you to please move
On from my passing
And let yourself live again

Life can be so beautiful and
While my memories will linger
I checked out a long time ago
I love all of you so much and I'm so sorry