Supastition - Give Out, Give In lyrics

When I was growing up, old
Folks used to tell me, they said
"You better be careful how you talk to
People and how you treat 'em
Because you never know what that man
Got going on in his life
You never know what he going through"
And that's true
Because y'all have no idea what
I've been dealing with

I've got a few things on my
Mind I need to say, at least
Get it off of my chest
Address it this go round
This is more of a thank-God-I made-it speech
I'm pouring my soul out the
Only way I know how
It's like my life shattered
In a hundred pieces i may smile but there's
Wounds hidden underneath it
No fam or friends mattered
This has always been battle
When you look in the mirror
See yourself and cringe at it
There's been nights I damn near give out
Me and depression
We've been going through this ten-year bout
It wasn't caused by money
It didn't stem from my income
I tried suicide, ending my life and then some
When you depressed
You can't see a brighter future
You don't believe the phrase
That you lose some, win some
This ain't a mood
This is sickness and syndrome
It's hard to keep your faith
When your hatred is ingrown
As many even as are grieving
I ain't even try lay down to sleep
Don't give a fuck if I breathe or die
I ain't wanna look weak to the world
My girl asked me if I'm fine
I tell her the same frequent lie
Don't worry about me man, I'll be alright
Knahmsayin? It's been a rough road
But for some reason, I'm still here
My family keep telling me to stay strong
Wish I could say it was just that easy man
Trying not to give up

Now as a young boy I was
Taught to never let emotions show
Never get emotional and cry cause
Then folks would know to not respect you
Cause then they see how weak you are
They told me "Tough it out, wipe your tears
Sleep it off"
But some problems weighed heavy
On my self-esteem
Some black families think that
Prayer answers everything
I fell victim to believing if
My soul was saved
I could snap my fingers and just
Make the pain go away
Plus my real daddy abandoned his family
And never thought twice to pay
A visit after vanishing it took years for me
To start understanding things
But that's a lot of hurt
For children to be handling
I used to blame myself
And hold me responsible
But then it started making perfect
Sense after a while
I found out that he was making other babies
Even taking care of 'em
So now I'm feeling like the bastard child
I ain't solely blaming him for
What I'm suffering through
That would make me just a
Brother with another excuse
But, if I said it didn't affect me
I'd be lying slowly dying
These fools adding fuel to my fire
And I'm trying not to give up man

I swear I am it's hard not to feel hate in
Your heart for somebody like that
I used to always ask myself
Why he never came back
Was it me? Was it my momma?
Or was it just him?
I guess I'll never know the real reason

Now I done made my mistakes too and
Had to pay the price later
Got a girl pregnant when I
Was only a ninth grader
I thought my momma would murder
Me for my dirty deeds i made that woman a
Grandmother at thirty-three
And I just ruined my possible opportunities
And never had my real poppa
Here properly grooming me
When other people my age
Were making prom plans
I was screaming "Push! Push!" holding
My baby mom's hand
Now fast-forward, my daughter's a teenager
No longer a baby and I barely
Know what being thirty's like
And just when my life seemed to be in peace
And everything was in order Lord
Now I got hurt in fights you heard me right
When you dealing with your children
One argument and you go from
A hero to a villain
Bit it's family, you share the bloodline
The same name it's like I can't escape
This never-ending blame game
I just wanna maintain
I just wanna stress less
I just wanna make being
In depression a success
Hate looking at myself and seeing negative
I just wanna feel like I've
Got a reason to live
But, I feel like I'm giving out
For real man, I made my mistakes man
A lot of things I shouldn't have done or say
A lot of situations I could've
Handled a whole lot better
I made a lot of bad choices
But it was hard to love anybody
When I ain't even love myself
That's nobody's fault but my own
But, I'm still holding on i might give out
But, I'm trying not to give in