Team StarKid, Jeff Blim, Jaime Lyn Beatty - The Hatchetfield Ape-Man lyrics

Here’s a lil story ‘bout
The Hatchetfield Ape-Man
He was born some place in the fuckin’ woods

He is tall, he is short
He’s good or bad at sports
The point is that nobody knows

All I know about the Hatchetfield Ape-Man
He’s an ape man

Wooly Foot his name is Wooly Foot

What’s that name?

His name is Wooly Foot
He’s five foot-ten or he’s four foot-eight

I remember when I met
The Hatchetfield Ape-Man

You met him?

Yep

You met him?

Uh, huh we talked politics and how he
Leaned left and right

Oooh

Ah

Oooh

Ah he has two left feet but
He dances the can-can

(He can?)

Yes

(He can?)

Are you even listening?
He weighs two dozen tons
But he’s rather slight nothin’?

Okay! He eats meat, he eats grass
He gets tons of ape ass
And onestly why do you care?
If you wanna know more about
The legend himself began
Ask the ape this is so stupid
He’s not even real man!

Wooly Foot his name is Wooly Foot
His name is Wooly Foot
He’s a real nice guy that
Could rip off your face!

Wait what’s that? He can rip off your face?
No he can’t that’s not real seriously?
The Hatchetfield Ape-Man CANNOT rip
Off your face are you fucking high?