Watsky - Leopards & Horseshoes lyrics

What makes a human different than the
Rest of the food chain
Is not that we are at the top of it

When I got my first pet ever, a
Leopard gecko, back from the pet store
I was distressed "No no no no no no
Don't do this to me what do you mean
Leopard geckos can't climb walls? The whole
Freaking point of getting a gecko is so
You can send them on spy missions!"
I learned to love him for what he was not
I named him Sizzler
After my favorite restaurant
Where you could get chicken nuggets
In the shape of dinosaurs let me tell you
There is no more inspiring buffet item
Than a lump of reconstituted chicken parts
That styles it'self as a Stegosaurus
So Sizzler was a fitting name
For a Leopard Gecko the earthbound gecko


That chooses to live not as
Some wannabe green reptilian Spiderman
But as a ferocious jungle cat
A truly aspirational beast
Following in the glorious tradition
Of the Whale Shark the Cat Fish
The Egg Plant
And of course the Horseshoe Crab
A crab that dreams of being a horses shoe
I fed Sizzler live crickets that lived in
A terrarium that sat in the bathtub
So in case they somehow managed
To escape the cage
They would struggle fruitlessly against the
Impossibly high porcelain prison walls
I'd shake the crickets up in a
Paper bag full of protein
Powder like some fucked up death
Maraca before he crunched in
A wing or spare leg hanging out
His lower jaw like salad greens
I couldn't figure out why I was
Feeding my pets to each other
I had this little secret
Sometimes I would slip into
The bathroom and carelessly
-whoops- glance the terrarium and slide the
Roof a crack to grant
Crickets that could climb that granite
Slab a fighting chance if they made it over
They were honorary geckos
A couple earned their freedom and
Escaped into the wall paneling
Where played their tiny violins as long as
They had music in their legs

I gave sizzler back to the pet store
I stopped eating at his namesake restaurant
I started thinking if chickens wanted
To be dinosaurs we should
Let them enjoy the privilege while
They were still alive
It was years before I came to
The conclusion that you can't stop
The brutal beauty of the food chain
By removing yourself from it
There is no life without death
There's no way to live perfect
So flush that dream down the toilet
Anyone who's owned a teakettle
Knows that even
Water screams when you boil it
Anyone who's driven a car on the
Freeway has committed bug genocide
Even if you're a vegetarian
Your super market produce is sprayed
With a product called insecticide
How do you rectify that people
Are dying and Watsky
You're worried about crickets?
In a world not yet rid of rape and murder
You're talking beef and pig on baconburgers
When kids still beef with pigs on Hegenberger
I'm not saying we don't need to look after US
Just that we lose nothing by
Expanding our definition of "Us"
What makes humans special is not our ability
Dominate those more vulnerable than ourselves
It's our willingness protect them
To empathize no, mothafucka
It's not an excuse to dress your dog
Like a sailor on shore leave
That's obnoxious
I'm aware geckos don't want to leopards &
Crickets aren't pretending to be lizards
Those are human projections onto
Animals that are
Simply out here trying to function

I do, however, believe in the horseshoe crab
The crab that dreams of being a horse's shoe
And maybe you've never seen
Four living crustaceans
Glue themselves underneath a
Thoroughbred's hooves
Go ahead and tell me there's no way that
Thin exoskeleton could support a
Two ton Clydesdale
Don't believe me but, I've seen it
Brave New Voices
Do you believe in the horseshoe crab?
I said, "Hey Horse, nice shoes that horse
"I'm touched i didn't realize people were
Actually capable of feeling things
You know i'm not naïve, human
I know that horseshoe under me
Is no horseshoe at all hell, don't tell him
But it's not even a horseshoe crab
If you lean in, you can tell by the shell
It's actually a hermit crab
The genuine article
And I'm no horse Bitch, I'm a barnacle"