WHY? - As a Card lyrics

I’ll hold my own death as a card in the deck
To be played when there are
No other cards left

I’ll slip into the ocean, unnoticed
And notify no one on a notarized form
Enter slow on a hot summer morning
Like that one legged locksmith in cold rain

But, I’ll hold my own death as
A card in the deck
To be played when there are
No other cards left

As time drags on and I thin and
Whiten and my beard grows long
I might look like Walt Whitman
All sunken-eyed and dry and without pigment
But, I want to be spry as a newborn kitten

And I’ll hold my own death as
A card in the deck
To be played when there are
No other cards left

I want to open like the bay does to the ocean
With an equal portion of every emotion
Or soldier forward and be hard
As a flat board
With the heart of an approaching asteroid
Let go and ride like a cat’s toy in a dryer
Stay true to my matter like a brick in fire
Wrapped in my long years like a spool of wire
Unspoiled by the foils of fame and desire
So I’ll hold my own death as
A card in the deck
To be played when there are
No other cards left
Hold my own death as a card in the deck