Aurelio Voltaire - Cantina lyrics

Well I went down to Mos
Eisley for a converter
Hell, ya know how hot it gets on Tatooine
Then I saw that there Cantina
I'll go in for an Orangina
I heard it was rough but how bad could it be?

Well I walked through the door
And the music stopped dead
All manner of man and beast
Were staring at me
Seems just one week before
Their Twi-Lex slave girl walked out the door
And I guess I was the
Next-best thing they'd seen

I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
If you turn the other cheek
But if ya spread 'em both for Jabba, son
You ain't a man

Old Hammerhead, he fixed his mind to screw me
Whipped out his tool and nailed me to the bar
My anus he destroyed
And now I got me hemorrhoids
They had to wrench him off my
Nuts with a Gaffi bar

I was hit over the head by ol' Han Solo
I'd have never guessed that
Pirate was a homo
I woke up next to Chewbacca I
Was smeared in Wookie caca
And what they did to my poor
Nipples was a no no

I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
If you turn the other cheek
But if ya spread 'em both for Jabba, son
You ain't a man

Old Salacious Crumb's so small
Ya can't detect him
Before I knew it he shoved
Himself straight in my rectum
And then, just to be heinous
He screamed real loud out of my anus
Now I got an anal car alarm
And I can't disconnect 'em
Oh Greedo greedily grabbed his green weenie
And he yanked that sucker 'till
It wasn't so teenie
He took me into Jabba's hut
He stared intently at my butt
And he oo ta-too ta'd me with his zucchini

I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
If you turn the other cheek
But if ya spread 'em both for Jabba, son
You ain't a man

Take it away boys!

Well a guy walked up and said
"My friend doesn't like you"
I said, "sorry" he said "I don't like ya
Neither ya better watch yourself"
(I think his name was Tom Wait's)
And then some old dude who taught Vader
Chopped his arm off with a saber
But later made for one red hot anal invader

I was broken on the floor beat to a stuper
But then I was saved! There at
The door were ten Stormtroopers
But then my hope faded away i
Didn't know they cloned 'em gay
And they each took turns stormtrooping
Me in the pooper

I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
If you turn the other cheek
But if ya spread 'em both for Jabba, son
You ain't a man

I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
If you turn the other cheek
Which is why I still go there every week