Aurelio Voltaire - The U.S.S Make Shit Up lyrics

Well, I was stranded on a planet
Just me and Spock we met a nasty Nazi alien
He locked our asses up
We found a hunk of crystal and
A metal piece of bed
We made a laser phaser gun and
Shot him in the head!

Well, I was standing on the bridge
When Sulu came to me his eyes were full of
Tears, he said, "Captain, Can't you see?
The ship is gonna blow, do something
I beseech!"
I grabbed a tribble and some chewing gum
And stopped the warp core breach

And I said
Bounce a graviton particle beam off
The main deflector dish
That's the way we do things, lad
We're making shit up as we wish
The Klingons and the Romulans they
Pose no threat to us
Cause if we find we're in a bind
We just make some shit up
I know he's just a child
And most think him a twit
But Wesley is the master when it
Comes to making up some shit
He's the guy you want with you
When you go out in space
Just tell him: "shut up
Wesley" if he gets in your face

And if you're at a party
On the starship Enterprise
And the karaoke player just plain
Old up and dies
Set up a neutrino field inside a can of peas
Hold on to Geordi's VISOR and
Sing into Data's knees

And I said
Bounce a graviton particle beam off
The main deflector dish
That's the way we do things, lad
We're making shit up as we wish
The Klingons and the Romulans they
Pose no threat to us
Cause if we find we're in a bind
We just make some shit up

Sisko's on a mission to go no bloody place
He loiters on a space
Station above Bajoran space
The wormhole opened up and now they
Come from near and far
We'll keep the booze but please
Send back the fucking Jem'Hadar

And what is with the Klingons? Remember
In the day
They looked like Puerto Ricans and
They dressed in gold lamé
Now they look like heavy metal
Rockers from the dead
With leather pants and frizzy hair
And lobsters on their heads and I said
Bounce a graviton particle beam off
The main deflector dish
That's the way we do things, lad
We're making shit up as we wish
The Klingons and the Romulans
They pose no threat to us
Cause if we find we're in a bind
We just make some shit up

Well, I was stuck on Voyager
Pounding on the door
When suddenly it dawned on me
I've seen this show before
Perhaps I'm in a warp bubble
Slightly out of phase
Cause it was way back in the sixties
When they called it "Lost in Space"

We were looking for a way
To make the ratings soar
So we orchestrated an encounter with the Borg
Normally you'd think that that would
Get us into shit
But this one has a smashing ass
And a lovely set of tit's

And I said
Bounce a graviton particle beam off
The main deflector dish
That's the way we do things lad
We're making shit up as we wish
The Klingons and the Romulans pose
No threat to us
Cause if we find we're in a bind
We'll just make some shit up

Well then they got a new show
And it's called Enterprise
And it takes place a hundred
Years Before Kirk was alive
They say that it's a prequel Or
So that's what it's called
It's such a bad idea you'd
Swear that Lucas was involved
They have a Vulcan female But
She's a nervous wreck
Her ass is sweet as Seven's only
Green So what the heck
They're in the past but Klingons have
Those lobsters on their heads
I'm more confused than Wesley Crusher
Nude in Tasha's bed

And I say
Bounce a graviton particle beam off
The main deflector dish
That's the way we do things lad
We're making shit up as we wish
The Klingons and the Romulans they
Pose no threat to us
Cause if we find we're in a bind
We just make some shit up

Bonus verse!

Well it would seem a big wig up at Paramount
Must have felt the franchise was
Stale by all accounts
Cause he hired J j abrams to
Give the thing a shove
I feared that he would mock
And mangle everything I love

Well I went to the movie and
There much to my shock
There were hunky models playing
Kirk and Spock
Vulcan's been destroyed and the
Timeline has been crushed
So someone tell me why I love
This film so fucking much

And I said
Bounce a graviton particle beam off
The main deflector dish
That's the way we do things lad
We're making shit up as we wish
The Klingons and the Romulans they
Pose no threat to us
Cause if we find we're in a bind
-we're totally screwed but never mind -
We'll pull something out of our behinds
What does God need with a starship?
We just make some shit up