Baba Brinkman - Sexual Selection 2.0 lyrics

Charles Darwin saw natural selection
Not sexual selection
But natural selection as the most
Serious cause of evolution
But what was going on with
Bird songs and peacocks?
They follow mysterious laws – but then
Darwin had a curious thought

It probably occurred to him while he
Was trying to explain his theory
To a young Victorian blond
Whose face displayed
A mixture of desire and feverish awe
The immediate cause of which Darwin
Clearly saw… yee ah

So he said: "My dear
Descent with modification comes from
The struggle for survival and reproduction
Hence, the reason for some structures


Must be seduction… wassup! In fact
Darwin’s brain was probably
One such structure
Just as peacocks’ tails show off the
Genes of the top males
And likewise the songs of nightingales
The fighting skills of elephant seals
And minnows with colourful scales
See these are all trait's
That sexual selection
Has shaped through the female preference to
Get with the fittest mates

But in the case of human brains
That selective pressure goes both ways
Male to female and female to male
Pretty much anything in nature
That’s just for display
Just for showing off
And isn’t meant dissuade or
Chase predators away, like camoflauge

Must have been selected for in a sexual way
Anything in nature
That’s just for display and has
No survival value… but wait
Doesn’t that mean this is
Just such a display?
Right now, at this very moment… no way
It’s a mistake

I swear
I really did come here with something to say
But, they’re telling me it’s just
A demonstration of my DNA?
And so what if it is? That’s great
What’s to explain?
Okay, maybe a couple of things first
When I say that something ornate

Like language
Originally evolved as a seductive display
I am not arguing that people only
Use it just to get laid
Darwin leaves Freud in the dustbin, okay?
Something that evolved for one purpose can be
Used for a different purpose today

For instance
I could use a urine stream to put out a fire
But that doesn’t mean the penis
Evolved as bush fire fighter
This is a theory of language function
A theory of where it comes from
What it’s used for now
Well that is a separate discussion
So which was it? Was complex
Language originally a mechanism
For survival or reproduction? It must
Have been one of them
I’m talking about complex language now
Not simple language like "Ooh look, snake
Don’t step!" Think about it

How would complex language possible help you
Survive in the stone age?
Can you talk a predator out of attacking?
Can you talk a parasite out of infecting?
Can you talk a potential
Mate in to consenting?

Potentially, right? Not necessarily
But potentially
Hence, presenting the grand unified
Theory of rhyme where does rhyme come from?
I’m talkin’ about Homer, beowulf
Chaucer, Shakespeare, Alexander Pope
Eminem, and Jay-Z, it’s all the same

The mating mind uses lyrical signs
Combined with wit and wordplay
Conversation, humour and different
Narrative styles
To appraise the fitness of mates
Both for the purpose of marriage ties
And for mates of the more temporary kind

These are the humble roots
Of the literary sublime
We are all Shakespearean primates
Verbalizing our cherry behinds
But how could we possibly test
This bizarre theory of mine?
Not just mine, also Geoffrey Miller’s

Ideally, we could use
Experimental holding zoos
Filled with human subjects
We could feed them some booze
And with an overhead view we could
Observe which breeding pairs reproduce
And how often they use their
Verbal ornaments to seduce
We could even separate them
Into control groups, to see whether male
Or female vocals are more prone to be
Used in the stimulation of hormones
Although, it’s true that this
Sort of experiment, on humans
Isn’t normally approved –
Outside of nightclubs

If only there existed in a state of
Nature some cultural group we could study
That was preoccupied with makin’ paper
And parading
Half naked women shakin’ their money makers
In front of competitive males
Displaying mating behaviour while
Trading their creativity for sexual favours

If such a group existed
I predict it would be a major player
In the entertainment industry
And would be in major danger
Of being overwhelmed by angry player haters
But, I may have to save some
Of my research for later

And how do I answer the
Charge that I’m participating
In this mating dance myself with these
Dazzling bars? That isn’t hard
I plead guilty – I worked
Hard to achieve this ability
And if it also gives my
Genes visibility for females

Then I say "so be it" – But, I confess
If you look close
It also reveals my unique disability
See, my tendency to tell these monkey
Fables and funny medieval tales
It generally fails to attract
Any nubile young females

It does attract women a lot
Though – all highly educated
And post-menopausal! I know
Isn’t it awful? I get mobbed after my shows
By hoards of groupie grandmas who thank
Me for making it possible
For them to appreciate a Hip-Hop flow

And, you might ask
Where are their granddaughters? My guess is
They’re all at gangster rap concerts
But hey that’s how sexual selection works
Any mutation, such as myself
Gets tested first

And if it doesn’t get spread, well
Then it gets purged
So this experimental Hip-Hop mix
Where it gets crossed
With classic scientific works and
Literature and lectures
Will probably get the burial that it deserves

That is, unless you spread it, like whispers
So tell your friends about me
Huh? Find me some new listeners
Or write about me online
Let the gossip disperse
So that even if I die
My name survives in the Twitterverse