Baba Brinkman - She's Ovulating lyrics
[Baba Brinkman - She's Ovulating lyrics]
She’s ovulating – if she was a stripper
I wouldn’t know why but I’d
Probably wanna tip her
She’s ovulating – she’s
Dressed so provocative
My histocompatibility complex is majorly
Intoxicating – girl, I’m so symmetrical
But, you can’t tell if you’re
On a contraceptive pill
Instead of ovulating – I’m not
Tryin’ to conceive with you
But right now something makes me
Wanna be with you
You want a job done fast
You want a job done cheap
You want a job done well
You gotta pick two out of three
‘Cause the price goes up when demand swells
So if your contractor has skills
He pads his bills and if you don’t like it
Build the porch your damn self
Fast and cheap and headed for the landfill
And it might sound ruthless
But what’s true for
Someone trying’ to get their roof fixed
Is true for sex
And not just human sex, the cost of mating
Is a price that evolution sets
‘Cause high-value mates are always in demand
But there’s a bit of an imbalance
Between a woman and man
How come? Because of the outcome
Alright, let’s make a deal – I’ll
Give you an ounce of spunk
And one night of childish fun
And you give me nine months of your life
And when the child comes
It takes a few decades to show
The kid how it’s done
Oh, what, you want help? Um
Yeah, I have a few ounces of
Spunk left to spread around, hon
You know, ninety-nine problems
But this ain’t one
What? The deal’s off? Why?
Just ‘cause you’ve got
Fifty other guys tryin’ to
Undercut the price?
Just because you’re contributing
Hundreds of times
More resources to this otherwise
Equally shared enterprise?
Okay, fine, what’s your counter-offer then?
You want me to promise never to
Sleep with another woman again
As long as I live? And if I did? Oh, what
You’d probably forgive
As long as I didn’t fall in love with her
And have a bunch of other kids – oh, what
There’s more? You also want me to
Invest every possible resource
In you and the kids
And pay for education and team sports
And shit? What do I look like
A fuckin’ seahorse?
Oh, what, you’ll do the same, huh? Well
You kind of have to
It’s your limitations that I’m
Trying to adapt to you’re not the one with
The potential to inseminate
The entire planet if only you
Had the chance to, yeah, thank you
Yeah, me and every other guy, right, yeah
I get it our resources are worthless
Because they’re practically unlimited
Which puts us in a shit negotiating position
Like slave labour in
The insemination business
She’s ovulating – if she was a stripper
I wouldn’t know why but I’d
Probably wanna tip her
She’s ovulating – she’s
Dressed so provocative
My histocompatibility complex is majorly
Intoxicating – girl, I’m so symmetrical
But, you can’t tell if you’re
On a contraceptive pill
Instead of ovulating – I’m not
Tryin’ to conceive with you
But right now something makes me
Wanna be with you
Alright, I have one final card to
Play before we make deal you know
Every ounce of spunk is not created equal
Some of it will give you smarter kids
Some of it will give you
Hardier kids whose immune systems give
Them longer to live
And you have this fertility cycle
That gives you subtle clues
About who to choose
So this is all just a ruse
To convert my mating effort
Into parental solicitude
Oh, what am I gonna do about it? Well
There’s nothing I can do
But it’s true! ‘Cause you don’t make
It simple like a chimp, no!
You could have evolved a
Pink swollen genital symbol
Advertising your fertility window, but no!
And I know why too! It’s to keep a guy limbo
You’re so deceitful, I don’t believe it!
It’s like you have a
Biological non-disclosure agreement
To maintain your competitive edge
And get repetitive sex
From the same guy long enough to
See your genetic relatives fledged
‘Cause if I knew exactly
When you were ovulating
Well then good luck negotiating
Any long-term arrangements
But, you don’t even know
That’s the impressive bit
Yeah, but can you pin
It down without arithmetic?
She’s ovulating – if she was a stripper
I wouldn’t know why but I’d
Probably wanna tip her
She’s ovulating – she’s
Dressed so provocative
My histocompatibility complex is majorly
Intoxicating – girl, I’m so symmetrical
But, you can’t tell if you’re
On a contraceptive pill
Instead of ovulating – I’m not
Tryin’ to conceive with you
But right now something makes me
Wanna be with you
Okay, so you don’t exactly know when it is
But we can measure it and
How it affects your preferences
See, I’ve been reading up
On you scheming sluts
And there’s a method to
Your madness, and yeah, it’s devious
What changes is your preference
For specific trait's
And the relative weight you assign
Them in potential mates
When you hit peak fertility
Suddenly you’re into symmetry
And guys with no resources
But high creativity
When just a week before you
Were all about liquidity
And suddenly now it’s
What? Facial masculinity
And fantasizing about infidelity? – Pathetic!
These are obviously adaptations to
Maximize the genetic
Quality of your offspring at
The expense of wannabe
Fathers, who provide the
Benefit's of monogamy
Well I’m onto your little scheme
And I’m gonna put a stop to it
How? My plan is in effect right now
It’s called the "oral contraceptive pill"
And no
It’s not a trick – the benefit's are real
Basically it takes everything that
Makes you adaptively moist
And replaces it all with rational choice
When you’re on it
You can’t smell histocompatibility
So your kids’ immune systems might
End up a little weak
But think about the benefit's, please,!
All the non masculine
Asymmetrical men can breed!
And now your infidelity can
Be about trading-up
Instead of trying to get pregnant by a stud
We can all relate to trading-up, fine
Fair enough
It’s just paternity uncertainty that
Tears us up
‘Cause we understand the facts on the ground
It’s kind of like hiring a
Contractor for your house
You can’t get it done well and fast
And cheap you almost always have to choose
Two out of three and ladies
It seems like the man of your dreams
Has good resources, good behaviour
And good genes
But unless you’re name happens
To be Angelina Jolie
You might just have to choose
Two out of three
Just be careful who you choose
When you’re pill poppin’
I understand that reproductive
Choice feels awesome
But, if you don’t ovulate then
You can’t smell a match
And mismatched relationships just don’t
Tend to last
She’s ovulating – if she was a stripper
I wouldn’t know why but I’d
Probably wanna tip her
She’s ovulating – she’s
Dressed so provocative
My histocompatibility complex is majorly
Intoxicating – girl, I’m so symmetrical
But, you can’t tell if you’re
On a contraceptive pill
Instead of ovulating – I’m not
Tryin’ to conceive with you
But right now something makes me
Wanna be with you
I wouldn’t know why but I’d
Probably wanna tip her
She’s ovulating – she’s
Dressed so provocative
My histocompatibility complex is majorly
Intoxicating – girl, I’m so symmetrical
But, you can’t tell if you’re
On a contraceptive pill
Instead of ovulating – I’m not
Tryin’ to conceive with you
But right now something makes me
Wanna be with you
You want a job done fast
You want a job done cheap
You want a job done well
You gotta pick two out of three
‘Cause the price goes up when demand swells
So if your contractor has skills
He pads his bills and if you don’t like it
Build the porch your damn self
Fast and cheap and headed for the landfill
And it might sound ruthless
But what’s true for
Someone trying’ to get their roof fixed
Is true for sex
And not just human sex, the cost of mating
Is a price that evolution sets
‘Cause high-value mates are always in demand
But there’s a bit of an imbalance
Between a woman and man
How come? Because of the outcome
Alright, let’s make a deal – I’ll
Give you an ounce of spunk
And one night of childish fun
And you give me nine months of your life
And when the child comes
It takes a few decades to show
The kid how it’s done
Oh, what, you want help? Um
Yeah, I have a few ounces of
Spunk left to spread around, hon
You know, ninety-nine problems
But this ain’t one
What? The deal’s off? Why?
Just ‘cause you’ve got
Fifty other guys tryin’ to
Undercut the price?
Just because you’re contributing
Hundreds of times
More resources to this otherwise
Equally shared enterprise?
Okay, fine, what’s your counter-offer then?
You want me to promise never to
Sleep with another woman again
As long as I live? And if I did? Oh, what
You’d probably forgive
As long as I didn’t fall in love with her
And have a bunch of other kids – oh, what
There’s more? You also want me to
Invest every possible resource
In you and the kids
And pay for education and team sports
And shit? What do I look like
A fuckin’ seahorse?
Oh, what, you’ll do the same, huh? Well
You kind of have to
It’s your limitations that I’m
Trying to adapt to you’re not the one with
The potential to inseminate
The entire planet if only you
Had the chance to, yeah, thank you
Yeah, me and every other guy, right, yeah
I get it our resources are worthless
Because they’re practically unlimited
Which puts us in a shit negotiating position
Like slave labour in
The insemination business
She’s ovulating – if she was a stripper
I wouldn’t know why but I’d
Probably wanna tip her
She’s ovulating – she’s
Dressed so provocative
My histocompatibility complex is majorly
Intoxicating – girl, I’m so symmetrical
But, you can’t tell if you’re
On a contraceptive pill
Instead of ovulating – I’m not
Tryin’ to conceive with you
But right now something makes me
Wanna be with you
Alright, I have one final card to
Play before we make deal you know
Every ounce of spunk is not created equal
Some of it will give you smarter kids
Some of it will give you
Hardier kids whose immune systems give
Them longer to live
And you have this fertility cycle
That gives you subtle clues
About who to choose
So this is all just a ruse
To convert my mating effort
Into parental solicitude
Oh, what am I gonna do about it? Well
There’s nothing I can do
But it’s true! ‘Cause you don’t make
It simple like a chimp, no!
You could have evolved a
Pink swollen genital symbol
Advertising your fertility window, but no!
And I know why too! It’s to keep a guy limbo
You’re so deceitful, I don’t believe it!
It’s like you have a
Biological non-disclosure agreement
To maintain your competitive edge
And get repetitive sex
From the same guy long enough to
See your genetic relatives fledged
‘Cause if I knew exactly
When you were ovulating
Well then good luck negotiating
Any long-term arrangements
But, you don’t even know
That’s the impressive bit
Yeah, but can you pin
It down without arithmetic?
She’s ovulating – if she was a stripper
I wouldn’t know why but I’d
Probably wanna tip her
She’s ovulating – she’s
Dressed so provocative
My histocompatibility complex is majorly
Intoxicating – girl, I’m so symmetrical
But, you can’t tell if you’re
On a contraceptive pill
Instead of ovulating – I’m not
Tryin’ to conceive with you
But right now something makes me
Wanna be with you
Okay, so you don’t exactly know when it is
But we can measure it and
How it affects your preferences
See, I’ve been reading up
On you scheming sluts
And there’s a method to
Your madness, and yeah, it’s devious
What changes is your preference
For specific trait's
And the relative weight you assign
Them in potential mates
When you hit peak fertility
Suddenly you’re into symmetry
And guys with no resources
But high creativity
When just a week before you
Were all about liquidity
And suddenly now it’s
What? Facial masculinity
And fantasizing about infidelity? – Pathetic!
These are obviously adaptations to
Maximize the genetic
Quality of your offspring at
The expense of wannabe
Fathers, who provide the
Benefit's of monogamy
Well I’m onto your little scheme
And I’m gonna put a stop to it
How? My plan is in effect right now
It’s called the "oral contraceptive pill"
And no
It’s not a trick – the benefit's are real
Basically it takes everything that
Makes you adaptively moist
And replaces it all with rational choice
When you’re on it
You can’t smell histocompatibility
So your kids’ immune systems might
End up a little weak
But think about the benefit's, please,!
All the non masculine
Asymmetrical men can breed!
And now your infidelity can
Be about trading-up
Instead of trying to get pregnant by a stud
We can all relate to trading-up, fine
Fair enough
It’s just paternity uncertainty that
Tears us up
‘Cause we understand the facts on the ground
It’s kind of like hiring a
Contractor for your house
You can’t get it done well and fast
And cheap you almost always have to choose
Two out of three and ladies
It seems like the man of your dreams
Has good resources, good behaviour
And good genes
But unless you’re name happens
To be Angelina Jolie
You might just have to choose
Two out of three
Just be careful who you choose
When you’re pill poppin’
I understand that reproductive
Choice feels awesome
But, if you don’t ovulate then
You can’t smell a match
And mismatched relationships just don’t
Tend to last
She’s ovulating – if she was a stripper
I wouldn’t know why but I’d
Probably wanna tip her
She’s ovulating – she’s
Dressed so provocative
My histocompatibility complex is majorly
Intoxicating – girl, I’m so symmetrical
But, you can’t tell if you’re
On a contraceptive pill
Instead of ovulating – I’m not
Tryin’ to conceive with you
But right now something makes me
Wanna be with you