BoyWithUke - Understand lyrics

Girl, I hope you understand
I wanted to hold your hand
But I can't, wanted to be your man back then
And you knew I fell for you but you
Just broke my heart in two
I was sad, mad and broken on my bed
Hoping I get rid of all the voices in my head

I was opening a packet of an undeveloped med
When I was met with a prescription
Of a bullet made of lead
And when I woke up in an hour
In a pool of my own sweat
I said
"I swear to God I'll never
Even try to sleep again"
So instead I took my pen
And started writing evidencе
And when I started making sensе
I found that I had reached the end
Oh, I'm upset, I have no friends
You wanna bet you're just pretend?
You're just a pet confined within
The lines of writing
You're not shit
I thought I stopped my psychopathic ways
I swear I did
I said I talked to people 'bout
The problematic life I lived
They were my neighbors, razor blades
And different flavored pills I hate
Therefore I'm not sure, leave my last straw
I'm so glad, stuck in the past, I said that

Girl, I hope you understand
I wanted to hold your hand
But I can't, wanted to be your man back then
And so far I never held you with my arms
So it's hard to be the one you aren't
With instead filled with anxiety
Always was a part of me
Guess I'm not cut out to be

Somebody 'cause it's not me
I'm not used to all the talk
It was an introvert
That had converted feelings in the writing
Used to cope with all my problems
Using notes and lots of rhyming
Used to hope for better days whenever
That's 'bout make me crying
I'm not lying when I say that
I would rather daily go back
To the times I would try be
The guy the people know
I was fighting with the demons
Hiding far beyond my eyelids
On an island full of violence in
My head that I could pilot
Oh, the sun don't shine, the skies turn gray
I felt it coursing through my veins
I said before I'm not okay
But you don't listen anyway
You know I tried, you turned away
Straight out loud right to my face
You fucked my life, ruined my day
But you don't know, so I'll say

Nothing can fill this silence
No one can love like I did
(And you don't know, so I'll say)
Nobody cares, you lied, it's no fair
You still deny it
(So I'll say)
Nothing can fill this silence
No one can love like I did
(And you don't know, so I'll say)
Nobody cares, you lied, it's no fair
You still deny it
(So I'll say)

Girl, I hope you understand
I wanted to hold your hand
But I can't, wanted to be your man back then
And too bad I know I can't wake up
Because I lost my weight and
You don't give a fuck
About me, this could be a dream, I can't see
The things that you see, so please, oh
Girl, I hope you understand
I wanted to hold your hand
But I can't, wanted to be your man back then
And you know I'll play along you
In my home I wrote you songs
And now you're dead to me effectively
Removed yourself outside my dream