Dan Bull - After Life lyrics

When you're old and run down
What happens when you die?
Not your soul but the dust and
The ashes and the like
After that time you've passed on and
They're scattered and they lie
Under the grass in a casket for time
Until the last of your atoms has
Gone back to the matter
That it had been a part of
When the planet was gas dust
At the instant you're officially a corpse
This list of sick things begins
Kicking in with force
The tempature of your body's inner core falls
And this event is called algor mortis
It's thought this happens cos
Your pulse has flattened
So it halts the passage of
The warmth and that
But, if you thought that that
Was a nauseous fact
Then I ought to inform you what also happens
The muscles in your ass pack up and relax
So that all of that crap just
Stacks up in your pants
Your blood runs back under
The gravitational pull
Then thickens and begins to coagulate plus
Skin pallid, limbs all stiff
This is called rigor mortis

When you die
Don't even bother thinking about
Floating to heaven when you die
You won't burn in hell but you
Might roast in an oven when you die
Don't even bother thinking
Of eternal paradise when you die
You'll just be fertilising grass
In this so-called afterlife
After twenty-four hours or so
You actually eventually swell up and bloat
The gases inside you can't come
Out so they only
Keep amassing 'til you're either
Really fat or explode
But don't laugh, cos I mean it
That isn't a joke it'll happen to the Queen
And the average bloke
Bacteria starts devouring both
Flesh and fat from your anatomy
Out of your clothes
Then it's down to the crows to
Come down and carry on
Lunch out on carrion down to the bone
Now you should know that even bones decompose
If you leave them over an aeon or so
There will be no trace of your dead corpse
You'll be feeding potatoes and absorbed
Dug up and eaten off a plate with salad raw
I'm sorry to say I'm afraid that's the law
Actions have reactions so it has to stop
Every man since Adam's travelled
Back to the cosmos
Rock to iron to steel and back to rust
Ash to ash and dust to dust

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
When you die
Don't even bother thinking about
Floating to heaven when you die
You won't burn in hell but you
Might roast in an oven when you die
Don't even bother thinking
Of eternal paradise when you die
You'll just be fertilising grass
In this so-called afterlife