Dan Bull, The Sons of Pitches - Jacksfilms Rap Roast lyrics

Ladies and gentlemen
Give it up for Jack Douglass
What a lovely chap, goodness
Oozes from his pores
Like a cup of that bubble stuff
But the trouble is
It's tough to be too critical
On somebody so unbelievably unpolitical
It’s difficult to diss a cool kid
Who still kisses his mom
And gives her calls on mother's day
Because she raised her little son
Into a well mannered
And respectable young gentleman
That represents the pinnacle
Of American parental love
You're so disgustingly pure
You must be finding it hard
To hide all that naughtiness
Behind the facade your time us up, brah
’Cause no one is impervious
I peel back your veneer
As if I'm skinning furvius you're nervous
As I'm digging further deep
Into your conscience
It isn't hard to get inside a head
With such a wide circumference
Hat stuck on your skull
Are you crying or slicing onions?
Companies grease your palms
You try to hide the thumbprints
I didn't want to bring your head into it
It's been done already
But then again so has yiay
More than mom's spaghetti
I thought that KSI had a massive cranium
But, yours is the reason we need
A bigger capacity stadium
I’m not even kidding about it
I’m serious mate
You could rent that fricking thing out
As real estate in fact
I'll use it as a canvas now to illustrate
The story of a man and how his fantasy realm
Would seal his fate you wanted a roast
Well then that’s something
I'm delighted to provide
Oh, Jacksfilms, man, you wanted a roast
I'll fill your cavity
With onion, sage and spice nice

You live a fairy tale existence
So no wonder you're called Jack
The hat fit's and that’s a rare coincidence
Jack be nimble jack be quick
Jack be sinful jack be thicc
Jack be trying too hard
To act as if he isn't a nasty prick
Jack O'Lantern jack and Jill
Jack of spades acting like the master
You're the Jack of all trades jack Horner
Jack Sprat? Nah
Jack's a prat and that's a fact
I'm chopping down his beanstalk
With mean talking raps and unlike his films
They are action packed
With an actual narrative intact
Can you imagine that? The cracks never show
Never expose your stressful life
You're a cross between a livestreamer
And a stepford wife you could meet a mugger
And then end up best of friends for life
And when he stabs you in the back
You'll help him twist the knife
Who is this guy?
Why's he so fricking wholesome?
I reckon his alibi
Must have a couple of holes in
He must have seen John Cena's good deeds
And stole some even his gang sign
Is just sticking up his old thumb
I just thank God
I'm not one of the fam squad
I'm squad fam for life, baby look
Check out my bank card
Even in a song like this
I make my lyrics bang hard give Toby a call
You're breaking that poor man's heart
And when you make a punchline
Out of saying "Finna woke"
Not all the men and womenfolk
Will get the inner joke
They'll think you're poking fun
At people of colour
Who speak in different tones and dialects
When greeting each other my brother
You're Drake in blackface trouble brewing
Look at me spilling the hot stuff
I guess that makes me push your tea
I'm a toy maker putting Jack in a box
Yet you're back every Christmas
Like a packet of socks
Every time I watch you
There's this dissonant oddness
It's like if idubbbz switched jobs
With Mr Rogers

Act two i'm just being honest
At you yiay's just reading comments
And lately
Since you instigated the adpocalypse
You've been popping clips
In your AD gun and cocking it i spotted it
By redirecting all resentment at Felix
You were free to fire up
Your ornamental AD Helix
At first I thought my firewall connection
Badly glitched but after more inspection
Jack i saw your dastardly tricks
You're conspicuously absent
When catastrophe hit's
Don't want to be that guy
But, I have to be bich
You jump on every trending topic
Just to buck the trend
Giving rubbish more exposure but, it's OK
'Cause it's just pretend
But, if you smear yourself
In doo doo ironically
You'll still be smeared in doo doo dude
Do you follow me? Milking the emoji movie
Like a Sony Stooge
Oh, and Coca-Cola telecommunications?
That was Sony's too so don't be stupid
Don't be fooled no
It's all a phony fraud
I should call your folks up on the phone
And then disclose it all nobody's so pure
Jack it's sickening to see
You need to tone it up a bit
I hope you're listening to me
Because if we're all assholes
(We're all just assholes talking to a camera)
Talking to a camera then I'm an asshole
Talking to an asshole through my camera
Nothing deceives like the camera can
So I dig up your hidden meanings
Through anagrams

Jack Douglass jugs lack soda
Adpocalypse peps cola day pepsi cola
Special op i lace pops
Yesterday I asked you teary eyed
Soda is yuk john Patrick Douglass
Jack uploading shorts josh Spurt
Cola AD king you've been caught!
Now just to prove the conspiracy
One final anagram ornamental AD helix
Alexander Hamilton alexander Hamilton
Alexander Hamilton
What do you drink cola from?
Alexander can or tin
Any kind of product, Jack is
Alexander selling them
By spreading ADs virally alexander Pathogen
That's right this gimmick track is
Alexander back again you'll be confused
If it's something you alexander haven't seen
So let me clear up the alexander Bafflement
The format of this song's just saying
Alexander random thing
I can do this fast all day alexander Ramadan
Mixing letter up 'cause I'm the
Alexander Scrabble Don
You couldn't touch the bull with an
Alexander Cattle prod
I'm elmer and you're bugs
Alexander rabbit run i've outfoxed you
Call me alexander basil brush
To ten farts? You must be
Alexander Flatulent
You've been a naughty boy i've got to
Alexander smack your bum oh, no
He's got the hump shit
Alexander camel dung
You can close this window if you've
Alexander had enough
Just hold "Alt" and press the
Alexander tab button
Hey, I don't mean it Jack come back, we're
Alexander having fun

But come on, man i think that's
Alexander battle won