Dan Bull, Bonecage - Pistol in the Bathroom lyrics

Ok, look, I'm well aware
That this is probably going to sound insane
(whip-woo) but, I honestly just fell out
The back of a plane landed in a random bit
Of abandoned real estate
Then ran straight into the nearest place and
Here I stayed in the can
The place is a mess
But it's better than the outside (true)
And so I'm making a nest to settle down, hide
No doubt I'll cause an outcry, called
A coward, but it's not that
It's just everyone else is overpowered (wa)
Would I like a vast
Exciting island to explore?
Err, thanks, but, no thanks
I'd rather hide behind this
Door not coming out (yeah)
Somebody's got to sort the plumbing out
Blomming hell you want to run around?
Go bother someone else
Of all the places y'all could urinate
You're all up in my face
This ain't the place to fornicate in or
Negate the call of the nature
Sorry mate, we're all devoid of toilet paper
Call in later this cubicle's engaged
Go locate a stall that's vacant (ha)
I've got important business
That's taking concentration
Waiting for the game to
Finish and faking constipation (uh)

I found a pistol in the bathroom
Somebody put a pistol in the bathroom (uh)
Somebody was cleaning their gun
While they were taking a shit
I found a pistol in the bathroom
Somebody put a pistol in the bathroom
I'm going to number one
With the gun I found in the bathroom

Oi Dan, what's the hold up? Shh, nothing
I'm holed up and ready to unload
On any soldier that rolls up (wa)
I'll leave your skull bust open like a walnut
(wah)
With a hole in the middle like a bone donut
That was a trigger warning
So don't say I never told you
That you won't see me on the leaderboards
If you scroll up (pff)
I need to pass the time, I'm really bored
Oh look! Found some make up in the cabinet
And now I'm dolled up, dragged up
Sat on the bog and draggin on a roll up
This lavatory seat's freezing
I've got a cold butt (wo)
Now, you may say the way I play is soulless
I say it's realistic using the
Head of my shoulders
Because while everybody else is
Chasing after gold dust
I'm laying back and selling shovels
In the gold rush
I'm in a toilet stall with a
Bullet hole in the wall
But, if you go for glory
Then I'll go for your balls

I found a pistol in the bathroom
Somebody put a pistol in the bathroom
Somebody was cleaning their gun
While they were taking a shit (uh)
I found a pistol in the bathroom
Somebody put a pistol in the bathroom
I'm going to number one
With the gun I found in the bathroom

Gnarly, how can you aim a shot
At somebody you can't see?
No one saw me standing there
Not even Paul McCartney (bruv)
You want me? Fucking well, come and find me
I'll be waiting with a gun
And a pack of sarnies (jeez)
Now I'm not weapons trained and
I don't know karate
But, I'll fight you and your
Family and your army
If you think I'm coming out
This bathroom - hardly
I'll be the last one in
The chocolate factory like Charlie
Aw, you're not invited, it's a one man party
Not sharing my shelter for shit
I'm not Bob Marley
Not going to get up, stand up
There's too much burning and looting
And having the gun jamming's
A concern, when you're shooting
Try my pioneering new type
Of conflict resolution
Hiding where guys are normally
Performing their ablutions just remember
When you're done to flush the latrine
This is the secret to the way I
Keep so fresh and so clean
If you're haveng PUBG problems, I
Feel bad for you, son
I beat ninety nine opponents and
I haven't shot one

I found a pistol in the bathroom
Somebody put a pistol in the bathroom (woo)
Somebody was cleaning their gun
While they were taking a shit (hah)
I found a pistol in the bathroom
Somebody put a pistol in the bathroom (me?)
I'm going to number one
With the gun I found in the bathroom