Dan Bull - Regarding Cricket lyrics

Regarding cricket the object is not wickets
It's about who can bring
The biggest naval frigate
And although our military has
Recently diminished significantly, we
Pommies will arrive on your shores with
The force of a tsunami
So run back to your mommy
Who needs the atomic bomb when
You've got the Barmy Army?
New age English Tommies
We're a larger imposing threat
Than that of the Commies in the 1950s
We've beaten the West Indians, Zimbabweans
Namibians
South Africans, Jamaicans and Sri Lankans
And the Pakistanis
Who were particularly shoddy
We broke their will like a
Faulty latex rubber johnny
So I don't mean to come across as snobby
But an Aussie isn't something
That particularly bothers me i'm not a bigot
But regarding cricket i don't need a ticket
I stay comfy in my armchair
Hidden away like Monty Panesar's hair
Panesar Panesar Pane Panesar Panesar
Panesar Panesar Pane Panesar
Regarding cricket
Our odds of winning are shorter than a midget
The sum of our runs will
Come to triple digit's
And once we've begun, we won't succumb
We won't relinquish
Til we've ripped this wretched district
Into bit's quick, it's horrific
The skill exhibited will kill
Your spirit quick
Until it is the integrity of
A soaked rich tea biscuit
Once I've dipped it in my tea
Oh, and by the way, I'm also an MC
Ripping the track, taking your ball
Never giving it back
One of the best leg spinners to bat
In the entire history of rap
I display a way with
Words that's patently absurd
I've stayed at the top of my
Game far longer than Dickie Bird, observe:
I was in Australia on the
Day the bails were burned
And ever since I've yearned for the
Return of that little urn
It's a longing, an urge
The wanting of birds and bonking
Disperses into insignificance compared to
That one thing now allow me to tell you
Something that I've heard
Ricky Ponting's skills are somewhat
Wanting in that regard
Regard, regard, regarding cricket
Certain players are depraved and thus
They behave in ways illicit
If I drop my trousers and expose my rump
Will you kiss it? For luck
I said if I pull my trousers
Down and present you my rump
Will you kiss it on the off stump?
Will you kiss it?