Dan Bull - Surgeon Simulator lyrics

Hi, I’m Nigel Burke
You might know me as the guy that lurks
In the hospital pulling back
The final curtains
As saving lives is my line of work
I’m overworked and I’m overpaid
Nobody else gets home as late
No time to poo, no time to wee
To go on a date, no time to sleep, see
But regardless of what they’re paying me
I’m the hardest in the A&E
A couple of whiskies, a couple of baileys
I’m ready for my shift, give
Me the blade, please
This is an emergency surgery
Third degree burns
Leave the patient waiting in purgatory
Operating with urgency
We can’t take an eternity
Blood loss rate is discernibly
Worse than the state of my
Purse on my Lace Anniversary (Unlucky)
That’s why I stay here so late
Just to earn a fee
That’s why the patient is late
Toe tagged and lay on a slate
In this infirmary, yeah
I may have made a mistake
There may be stains on my apron, but, baby
Hey I’m just sayin'
That when the table is shaking in
The back of an ambulance
It’s a little difficult to keep on
Track what your hands are doing
Oh, golly, when you’re on a trolley
Trying to find the right
Tool's like Where’s Wally
If I was you I’d be crying for my mommy
I’d give you a tissue but I’ve
Not got one on me
Sorry, I’m a little unprepared but luckily
You’re not in a position to be running scared
Caught you unaware, anesthetized
Now, you’re asleep
Give me your teeth and eyes
What are you worried about? Who’s scary?
I’m just the new tooth fairy
I’m coming for your calcium
Like a loon let loose in the dairy
When I said I’m not a dentist
What I meant is
Of all my skills, it’s just a percentage
My qualifications might be invented
But, I won’t get better without
Trying to attempt it
Dentally demented, I tend to need apprentices
Because it’s them that seem to
Comprehend more than me
I generally pretend it and so far
I’ve never been suspended
In theater, I’m territorial
Less surgical, more gladiatorial
If this gets any more gory
I’ll put it on YouTube as a tutorial
I’ve been awake on call for days
My eyes are red as when I went to Ultralase
Not a qualified eye surgeon
But, I can’t help but help
When your eye’s hurting
See, I’m a nice person, Chris Martin
I’ll try to fix you, quick, stick a heart in!
Enough blarting, we’ve hit an artery
Made a chest cavity big enough to park in

Demographically setting a precedent
Increasing the speed that you’ll
Get an inheritance
I never get done for medical negligence
Not because I’m good but ‘cause
I bury the evidence
Demographically setting a precedent
Increasing the speed that you’ll
Get an inheritance
I never get done for medical negligence
Not because I’m good but ‘cause
I bury the evidence

Chop, chop your life in my hands