Dan Bull - The Arch-Illager Rap lyrics

I was born into a cruel
And unforgiving nasty world
That didn't want me
They rejected, disrespected, scorned
And shunned me cold and hungry
All I wanted was some company
To be comfy, but to put it bluntly
They were being
A bunch of considerably rude neighbors
So I gave up
Then I stumbled on a bloody massive cave
Look the doorway yawned awake slowly
I wasn't brave normally
But a strange force was calling me
And so with a flaming torch in hand
I made my way forward
Though those serrated corners on the
Boulders made it awkward i gazеd on in awe
Following a short reconnaissance
I saw what lay bеfore me
It was called the Orb of Dominance
It held sway over my thoughts
I gained confidence
'til at once the commoners
No longer had my tolerance

I am a small illager, the littlest around
But now, i've got a small feeling I'm
Going to be well-endowed
I am a small illager, my will
It stands proud
Growing 'til I fit the throne
So hand me the crown

Now bow down, show me the top of your head
Hey, I said bow down! Else
I'll be dropping you dead!
I am the arch-illager
And I will pillage your village until you
Give in, so run you can't win
If you stand in my path
You'll get trampled like grass
I see you haven't any heating
I can provide that
No need to thank me, here's a torch
Completely free of charge!
I'll leave your family tree scorched
Slashed with lethal steel shards!
Oh, I see you're planning
A resistance? If you're
Going to lead the charge, be advised
Objects in your rear view appear large!
Your mistake was thinking this a
Safe space for your opinions
'til my minions chased you straight
Away from my dominion! So make haste
Spread my covenant all across the kingdom
I'm your new government
Coming for more than just your income!
You can try assembling a
Rebellion of adventurers
It's never going to bother me, my friend
So don't pretend it does

I'm the arch-illager now, come on down!
Down into my dungeon, have a look around!
I am the arch-illager
Living in a cave and having a party
While keeping villagers enslaved!

Now, come on down, down, come on, quicker
Chop-chop!
Come on down, down some hard liquor!
I am the arch-illager, handle my business
Now everybody give a big
Hand to our visitors!
Look at you and your gang
You couldn't be more villainous!
Forcing my hand
You're going to be all prisoners!
No forgiveness
I'm sending in my skeletons in regiments
Defending us against your weapons
With a vengeance!
Repelling your torches, enemy forces
Making me nauseous!
Better be cautious or you'll be left on
The edge of a tall cliff, awkward
Better restore quick then come
Down into the dungeon
Where the smell is rather pungent
Can't tell if it's your bunions
Or you've been cutting some onions

I'm the arch-illager
Thank you for coming down, now
Make yourself comfortable
Have a look around! I am the arch-illager
Catching you unawares
If you come in unprepared
Here's someone you haven't met!

So glad you came down, down
Summoned to my lair
There now, what's the matter, Chuck?
You look a little scared!
I am the arch-illager and I warned you
That if you didn't give up
Then, I'd have to confiscate your head!