Dan Bull - The Ballad of Bob the Snow Golem lyrics

Yay! Bedtime story! (Yay)
Read the book, damnit!
Alright, calm down, calm down
This is an ancient tale
From many snapshots ago
Long before version 119

In the middle of the village with a household
A little different to the others
They weren't as cold so let's go down below
To meet the only townsfolk made out of snow
He was a clown, you know, loved pranking, bro
Suddenly pouncing
Making people round say: "oh!"
His name was Bob and his daily job
Was guarding the town nightly
At eight o'clock
But Bob got so bored that he'd
Lob snowballs at the locals
And although all snow that
Was thrown there was


Frozen nobody really thought it was so cool
Wasn't the most socially appropriate
Mode of approaching the
Folk who would go to the law court
To report that he broke rules
Had a vote and of course
They'd enforce he be stonewalled
He was caged and afraid
He would wave and say: "hey" to the kids
Parents shaking their hands and
They would make
Them look away just as if he didn't exist
And so Bob made the decision
To begin making amends
Said sorry mama, never meant to hit you
Never meant to make you cry
So could I be freed now?
I promise that I will throw no snow
I'll go home, keep it on the low low, so
This town isn't a no go zone no mo'
Just a cup of cocoa and a ho ho ho
No po po, yo, just a nice time, ah
Though uh oh, yo, it's the night time, ah
And once the sunset's gone the undead come
So be afraid they're such a hungry bunch
They want to munch and eat your brains
Nowhere to run and hide, no
They'll just come inside
Wherever you put your bun
They're gonna come and find you
But Bob noticed the bloody loud
Commotion would have dove in
But wasn't allowed the townsfolk just
Forbode him, it was forebodings to know that
He couldn't go, no chucking snow
So he felt frozen the zombies closed in
It was as though they were hunting
For something enclosures were opened
Pumpkins were jumped, there was
No clear motive
But phobia punching a pumpkin is odious
Bob took umbrage at his bros being broken and
Broke those oaths that he won't throw snow
He was ready to bury any undead in the
Area with a bo bo bo bo bo!
Go home, zombies, ain't it obvious? We don't
Want them, we got them good
Got them gone and with no problem
So the folk bestowed honours
And wrote heroic songs
In honour of Bob the Snow Golem
And although they were so fond
Of him, doted on him
They couldn't condone lobbing snow
With no punishment
He was thrown back inside like Bo Burnham was
Trapped in an iron and stone column
No comment
How could you live knowing you've done
It? Have you no honour?
Got me stuck here 'till the
Midsummer? That's some folk horror
Folks want to go on about having free will
'Till you put them in the
Crowd more than three, then they're evil
That's when Bob said well
Then I'll be damned
If I let the crowd mentality get me down
I'm planning to throw down
You turned me barbaric like a snowcone Conan
Now feel the wrath of the snowman
Brap, brap
Brap! Run home and close the doors
I'm chucking frozen balls at
You with no remorse
You could have brokered peace
But now you've chosen war
I'll suffer no defeat 'till
Every person falls
So every player be warned this
Is the perfect storm
And 'till the weather's turning warm
I'll lob those snowballs
At the locals 'till there are no more

What happened to him, where is he now?
Oh, he's still out there, waiting
Woah, wh-what do you mean by waiting?
Waiting, anyway, goodnight!
Waiting? No, no, Come back! (No, no)