Dan Bull - Think of the Children! lyrics

Dear David Cameron

You want us to admit if
Porn's something we're interested in?
I've never heard a more
Intrusive line of questioning
There's a lot of chaps with no-one
To put their erection in
You've put the onus on their boners
To come and confess the thing
Despite it's popularity
The silence will be deafening
Censorship is not the method to mop
Up the mess we're in
Next you'll be suggesting police kettling
Any people sending text messages
With three Xs in
Will I still be free to see 'The Exorcist'?
Cause there's a crucifix in that and
A tween having sex with it if not
What's the difference between
An adult actress
And a thespian in a sexually packed script?
You plan to block pages with a blacklist
So if I say "rape"
Does it mean I can't rap this?
In terms of sexual deviance
The Tories have had practice
Dave, I've seen the stains
On your Brasenose mattress
And it's ironic you're proposing a porn ban
Cause you're considered one of
Britain's biggest wankers

Human rights are universal
Cultural differences are not an excuse
To water down human rights
Nor can the exploitation of digital
Networks by criminals or terrorists
Be a justification for states
To censor their citizens

"But think of the children!
Think of the children!
A free and open internet's
Probably gonna kill them!
Think of the children! Think of the children!
A free and open internet's
Probably gonna kill them!"

Mate, rape fantasies are a common obsession
But actually being a rapist is
Not a logical progression
To beat abuse, you should use a new weapon
Like battling the stigma for
People when confessing
That they've been molested
Or beaten senseless
The way that they're treated
By police is horrendous
Some of us understand, Louise Mensch does
The consensus is that your
Dumb plan's defenseless
Tories are all about family responsibility
So your proposal seems silly to me
Serious criminals don't use Bing
They use P2P and darknet webrings
China's blacklist accuracy couldn't be lower
It's like trying to trim your
'fro with a mower
When has censorship ever fixed a problem?
Yeah, it's not like North Korea's got them
But, if that's the kind of
Thing for which you're clamouring
Do you mind if I refer
To you as Kim-Jong Cameron?

"Think of the children! Think
Of the children! A free and open internet's
Probably gonna kill them!
Think of the children! Think of the children!
A free and open internet's
Probably gonna kill them!"

If you can't say "fuck", you can't say
"fuck david cameron with a piece
Of slightly undercooked broccoli!"