Dan Bull - Wiggly Willy lyrics

Hello!

My full name's Cheltenham DGLB digby
My diet consists strictly of
Single malt whisky
I'm particularly sesquipedalian
I've not published a single literary failure
And I'd speculate that's mainly
Thanks to the fact
That I don't even write books, I just rap
Ha! Trust that, I'm a distinguished linguist
Whose voice's weapon of choice is English
A rhythm wrecking rhetorician
Getting recognition for the fact that I'm
Swagger's dictionary definition
On first look
You're ready for a second listen
I took your sister to third base
Cherry picking
Heavy-hitting, yet with incredible erudition
It's a travesty you haven't seen
Me rapping on your television

I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby
My witty words make your
Willy feel all wiggly
I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby
If folk don't dig me, they don't know diddly

Allow the grime scene for the time being
I turn the G into a C, crime scene
I'm the nightmare to come and
Wreck your nice dream
I'll open up your top like a double-decker
Sightseeing i ripped the Rolex off of Wiley
And now I wear it in my
Jacket pocket by my tie, see?
I'm the reason that your wife's
Seen the dry cleaner
Imbibing my seed like Ribena
I'll livestream it, widescreen
As she lies, semen smeared on her cheeks
Like a child eating ice cream
She might need a new dress, Lewinsky
I'm going mental on your crew's set
Klaus Kinski
I'll kick your mumsy in the mimsy
With an air of whimsy
Then throw her down the stairs like a slinky

I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby
My witty words make your
Willy feel all wiggly
I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby
If folk don't dig me, they don't know diddly

Give me a mo', bro, Digby
Will make your ho go giggly, oh, so quickly
The po-po tried to photofit me
I simply did this and they let me go, victory
I don't have any history, lathered in mystery
Someone phone Agatha Christie
My breath smells of a packet of Wrigley's
Mixed with whatever the hell
My tobacconist gives me
I'll piggyback on the back of a pygmy
Screaming "Quickly
Quickly!" while I'm jabbing his kidneys
From the Indies to Sydney and in between
A Cold War submarine is my limousine
A libertine with the sympathy of Mr bean
A prick that means to to be inflammatory
So bring your antihistamines
I'm Mr meanness
I bring a list of misdemeanours
Bigger than your sister's penis
How pissed the scene is
Just switch your speakers off
If you're squeamish I've
Completed treatises and theses on faeces
I'm the bee's knees, pollinating on the daily
I leave seeds upon a range of lovely ladies
I ram raided Hades with a Mercedes
Camera in the deceased's faces, "Say cheese!"
I'm from a place of make
Believe and now I'm real
Slightly hallucinatory is how I feel
Thou art kneeling before me, raw meat
Ready to be churned and then
Turned into corned beef
Balls deep in the rhythm like a porn scene
And jisming
It's beginning to get a bit like Wall Street
With all the greed
I'm growing taller than a broad bean
Drag you to the park
Folded in half like a lawn seat

I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby
My witty words make your
Willy feel all wiggly
I'm Cheltenham "Douglby" Digby
If folk don't dig me, they don't know diddly