Dark Lotus - My 1st Time lyrics

The attic was less to us than the cellar
If the bones liked the attic
Let them have it let them stay in the
Attic when they sometimes
Come down the stairs at
Night and stand perplexed
Behind the door and headboard of the bed
Brushing their chalky skull
With chalky fingers with sounds like the dry
Rattling of a shutter
That's what I sit up in the dark to say

The first time, I ain't even feel guilty
Never washed off, stayed bloody and filthy
Just laid there next to the kid all night
Kind of soaking it all in
And feeling alright
I wasn't even old enough to drive yet
It was hell
I had to put him on my handlebars
And dump him down a well
I try to feed of that
Until I couldn't anymore
By my sixteenth birthday
My total had grown to four

I ain't afraid of you, but be afraid of me
Cause when the lights go down
It ain't no stopping me
Memories of my first real killing
They found her all tied up
Just hanging from the ceiling
What I was feeling was just
So dark and twisted
I couldn't believe I just did this
Now I'm stuck in my very own private Hell
Will I ever do it again? Time will tell

My first time
I was in control until the blood
It was my first time
The bloody mess I had to clean up
It was my first time
I know this ain't right
It was my first time
I finally took someone else's life

Every time I lay my ass down to sleep
I pray the fuck these memories cease
Bloody face and final breaths taken
But the first, uh, what was I thinking?
Just a piece of rope and a pair of hands

Suffocation, through the mouth breathing
I chocked her for the very
First time for no reason

It was eleven on my clock
I remember that much
In the graveyard waiting for the
Dope man to show up
Ten minuets past, and there's still no sign
Just then off in the night
I see some headlights a car rolls by
Driving slow and I don't know
I thought it was my folk
I ain't pulled the 44
They stopped the ride, started blasting
The fist time I didn't pull the heat
Damn, this what happened

My first time
I was in control until the blood
It was my first time
The bloody mess I had to clean up
It was my first time
I know this ain't right
It was my first time
I finally took someone else's life

First time my knife touched
Skin and it ripped
Red blood started flowing so quick
I just couldn't quit
Kept stabbing until everything that
I seen was red
The pillow, the blankets, the walls
And even the bed
One color dominating everything
Like contemporary art
Am I the killer or artist with bloody heart?
Then I curled into a ball in
The corner of the room
Feeling like a creep in the light of the moon

If I took this gun and put
A hole in your chest
It won't compare to the first time
I put someone to rest kind of like a dream
But on a nightmare level
Every time I think about it I
Can still hear the shovel
Diggin' deep into the dirt to
Try to hide the pain
Knowing I got away with something
I'll regret in the end
I really should have never done
It, but fuck it, i did him in
The first person that I killed
Was my first best friend

My first time
I was in control until the blood
It was my first time
The bloody mess I had to clean up
It was my first time
I know this ain't right
It was my first time
I finally took someone else's life

Someone else's life first
Someone else's life