Eminem - The Real Slim Shady lyrics

May I have your attention, please?
May I have your attention, please?
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here

Y'all act like you never seen
A white person before
Jaws all on the floor like Pam like
Tommy just burst in the door
And started whoopin' her ass
Worse than before they first were divorced
Throwin' her over furniture (Agh)
It's the return of the "Oh, wait, no way
You're kidding
He didn't just say what I think he did
Did he?"
And Dr dre said… nothing, you idiots!
Dr dre's dead, he's locked in my basement
(Ha ha) feminist women love Eminem
"Chicka, chicka, chicka, Slim Shady
I'm sick of him look at him, walkin' around
Grabbin' his you-know-what
Flippin' the you-know-who, " "yeah
But he's so cute though"
Yeah, I probably got a couple of
Screws up in my head loose
But no worse than what's goin'
On in your parents' bedrooms
Sometimes I wanna get on TV
And just let loose but can't
But it's cool for Tom Green
To hump a dead moose
"My bum is on your lips
My bum is on your lips" and if I'm lucky
You might just give it a little kiss
And that's the message that we
Deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know
What a woman's clitoris is of course
They're gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They've got the Discovery Channel
Don't they? We ain't nothin' but mammals
Well, some of us, cannibals
Who cut other people open like cantaloupes
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
Then there's no reason that a man
And another man can't elope
But if you feel like I feel
I got the antidote
Women, wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus
And it goes

I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes
I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in
His raps to sell records (Nope)
Well, I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!
You think I give a damn about a GRAMMY?
Half of you critics can't even stomach me
Let alone stand me
"But Slim, what if you win
Wouldn't it be weird?"
Why, so you guys could just
Lie to get me here? So you can sit me here
Next to Britney Spears?
Shit, Christina Aguilera better
Switch me chairs so I can sit next to
Carson Daly and Fred Durst
And hear 'em argue over who
She gave head to first
Little bitch put me on blast on MTV
"yeah, he's cute, but I think
He's married to Kim, hee hee"
I should download her audio on MP3
And show the whole world how
You gave Eminem VD (Agh)
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups
All you do is annoy me
So I have been sent here to destroy you
And there's a million of us just like me
Who cuss like me
Who just don't give a fuck like me
Who dress like me walk, talk and act like me
And just might be the next best thing
But not quite me

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes
I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes
I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?

I'm like a head trip to listen to
'cause I'm only givin' you
Things you joke about with your
Friends inside your livin' room
The only difference is I got the balls
To say it in front of y'all
And I don't gotta be false
Or sugarcoat it at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
And whether you like to admit it
I just shit it better than ninety percent of
You rappers out can
Then you wonder: "How can kids eat
Up these albums like Valiums?"
It's funny, 'cause at the rate, I'm going
When I'm thirty i'll be the only person in
The nursing home flirting
Pinching nurse's asses when I'm
Jacking off with Jergens and I'm jerking
But this whole bag of Viagra isn't working
And every single person is
A Slim Shady lurking
He could be working at Burger King
Spittin' on your onion rings
Or in the parking lot, circling, screaming
"I don't give a fuck!"
With his windows down and his system up
So will the real Shady please stand up
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?
And be proud to be outta
Your mind and outta control
And one more time, loud as you can
How does it go?

I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes
I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes
I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes
I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?

Ha ha
I guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us
Fuck it, let's all stand up!