Ethel Cain - A Portrait of My Love on Her Knees lyrics

Here i am in california wondering
If you’re still alive
Thought i had escaped the pain
That brought the rain and made me drive
Past your house at night alone
I reeked to death of alcohol
Barbital is washing out my brain

I fucked up and god i know it
But can you at least let me try
I feel so embarrassed even caring
If you live or die
Crying on the back porch while you
Looked away and told me
We’ll make it work or won’t make it all

(hey it’s me i’ve been thinking about you
I hope you’re alright i miss you
I do i wish you were here but
I understand take care of yourself, ok?)

You need time, i know, but jesus
Is this all you think of me
A portrait of my love in all
White and on her knees
I’ll go back to california
Bleeding but i still survived
Maybe you were never mine at all