Frank Zappa - Australian Yellow Snow lyrics

No, no, don't eat it no, no, don't eat it
No, no, don't eat it no, no, don't eat it

Dreamed I was an Eskimo
Frozen wind began to blow
Under my boots 'n around my toe
Frost had bit the ground below
Was a hundred degrees below zero
And my momma cried: Nanook! Nanook!
Nanook! Nanook! Nanook! No no
Save your money: don't go to the show
And I turned around an' I said: HO HO
An' the Northern Lites commenced t' glow
An' she looked at me with a tear in her eye
And she said: Watch out where the huskies go
An' don't you eat that yellow snow
Watch out where the huskies go
An' don't you eat that yellow snow
Well right about that time, people
A fur trapper
Who was strictly from commercial
(Strictly Commershil)
Had the unmedicated audacity to jump
Up from behind my igyaloo
(Peek-a-Boo Woo ooo ooo)
And he started in to whippin'
On my fav'rite baby seal
With a lead-filled snow shoe i said:
With a lead lEAD
Filled lEAD-FILLED
With a lead-filled snow shoe sNOW SHOE
Peak-a boo pEEK-A-BOO
With a lead lEAD
With a lead-filled lEAD-FILLED
With a lead-filled snow shoe sNOW SHOE
And he said Peak-a boo pEEK-A-BOO
He jumped up from behind my igyaloo
And he said Peak-a boo
With a lead-filled snow shoe right on
Right upside the head of
My favorite baby seal he said Peak-a boo
With a lead-filled snow shoe
Hit him on the nose and hit him on the fin
You know that got me just about as evil
As an Eskimo boy can be
Got me evil as an Eskimo boy can be
So I reached down with my patented Nanook
Of the North whale blubber mitten
And I scooped down 'n I reached
Down 'n I bent down
An' I gathered up a generous
Mitten full of the deadly yELLOW SNOW
The deadly Yellow Snow from right
There where the huskies go
And then, in a fit of anger i pounced
And I pounced again
I jumped up 'n down on the chest of the
I injured the fur trapper
And then I took my mitten with
The deadly Yellow Snow Crystals
And I proceeded to rub it all
Into his beady little eyes
With a vigorous circular motion
Hitherto unknown to Sydney
But destined to take the place
Of THE MUD SHARK in your mythology
Here it is, hey!

Really cheap, isn't it?
God damn, that's cheap
That's so cheap we're gonna do it again
That's enough okay

Well, by that time
The extract of the Northern dog
Had induced in the fur trapper
A terrible case of temporary snow blindness
And he turned around and he said:
I CAN'T SEE (i can't see temporarily)
I CAN'T SEE (i can't see temporarily)
What if there's something good on tv
(i i can't see temporarily) aND I CAN'T SEE
(i i can't see temporarily)
He took a dog a dog doo sno-cone
An' stuffed it in my right eye
An' he took a dog doo sno-cone
An' stuffed it in my other eye
An' the huskie wee-wee
I mean the doggie wee-wee has blinded me
Temporarily and, oh, lord, I can't see
Well here we have a deflicted fur trapper
Folks wandering around in the middle of the
Desolate Northern wasteland
Can't tell where he's going
And he wants to get home in time
To watch something good on TV
Well, he doesn't know it but he's
Got a lot of time
But he maybe there's something that he likes
He has to fix up his eyes before
He can watch the television so
Scratches underneath of his parka
Tries to figure out what he's gonna do
And remembers an ancient Eskimo legend
Where it is, it is written
On the little things that they write it on
Whatever they are that if anything bad ever
Happens to your eyes
As the result of physical combat
With anybody named Nanook and if therefore
He rubs some dog doo crystals in your eye
And you have problems
(It actually says this, folks)
That the only way that you can fix it up
Is you gotta go trudgin' across the tundra
Mile after mile all the way down to the
Columbia River delta
It's really funky down there, I'm tellin' ya
And he's gotta go down to find
The parish of Saint Alfonzo
Saint Alfonzo was the patron saint of
The smelt fishermen of Portuguese extraction
And he's gotta bust into the pantry
At Saint Alfonzo's parish
And he's got to locate a mysterious elixir
Disguised as a box of mar-juh-rene
And his instructions are
To rub it on his deflicted eyes
Until some sort of miraculous
Cure will take place in the next episode
We follow the fur trapper as
He trudges across the tundra
Direct to Saint Alfonzo's parish
And it goes something like this hoopla!
Well, here we are
At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
Where I stole the mar-juh-rene
An' widdled on the Bingo Cards
In lieu of the latrine
I saw a handsome parish lady
Make her entrance like a queen
Why she was totally chenille
And her old man was a Marine
As she abused a sausage pattie
And said why don't you treat me mean?
Hurt me
(hurt me) , hurt me (hurt me) , hurt me
Oooooh! At Saint Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast
(Hah! Good God! Get off the bus)
Where I sto-o-ole where I sto-ole
Where I sto-o-o-wo-wo-wole woo woo woo
The mar-juh-rene

Yeah, I made it down
To Saint Alfonzo's parish, i did
Made it into the pantry down there
I finally discovered what I was looking for
I groped my way past the peas, and
I groped my way past the asparagus
And I groped my way past the cauliflower
Groped my way and I groped my way
I don't mind groping my way
And I groped my way and
I found the mar-juh-rene there it was
There was a little left over
From the pancake breakfast reached in
Pulled out a lump of the stuff
Then I rubbed it on my right hand eye
And I took it and I
Rubbed it on my left hand eye
Started feeling a little bit better
And I contemplated on the mystery and
The majesty of the mar-juh-rene
I said to myself the 'M'
The 'M' of mar-juh-rene
Must under these circumstances symbolize
'Marsupial'
And the 'A' under these circumstances
Must symbolize
The constellation of Andromeda and the 'R'
Under these circumstances must constitute
'Ridiculous' which is what these
Circumstances actually are!
Then there's a hyphen 'M-A-R'
Don't lose the continuity, folks, there's a
'M-A-R, ' hyphen and as I said last night
And I'll say it again because I liked it
The first hyphen in mar-juh-rene
Could be used for erotic gratification
By a very desperate stenographer
'M-A-R, ' hyphen, 'J' 'J'
Wha What's a 'J' tonight, uh
'J' is for Jesus, and we
All know he loves you, ha ha ha ha
Well, some of you people will go for
That and some of you won't
What's the difference?
Just thought I'd throw it in
Then there's a 'U'
That 'U' is for everybody who believes
What the 'J' stood for
And also we have a subordinate 'U' for
The rest of you who go, "Huh?"
And then there's an 'H' which stands for
Or used to about two years ago
Stand for 'homunculus'
And then there's another hyphen
'M-A-R, ' hyphen, 'J-U-H, ' hyphen
The second hyphen tonight
Ladies and gentlemen could be used
Could be used ha ha ha
It could be used on you
If you bent right over
And then if you were very short, of course
And sensitive
'M-A-R, ' hyphen, 'J-U-H, ' hyphen, 'R'
There's another 'R' this 'R' will stand for
'Rebus, ' which is a puzzle
With pictures in it then there's an 'E'
It's a very long obnoxious 'E'
To the nth degree and then there's an 'N'
Which is the 'N' of the
'E' with the nth degree
And then there's a tiny
Weeny dwindling-off little
'E' on the end of the thing by the time I'd
Finished spelling mar-juh-rene
Correctly, including two hyphens
My eyes felt a lot better and I was
Ready for the next part of the song