Frank Zappa - The Poodle Lecture lyrics
[Frank Zappa - The Poodle Lecture lyrics]
In the beginning God made 'the light'
Shortly thereafter God made three big
Mistakes the first mistake was called MAN
The second mistake was called
WO-MAN, and the third mistake
Was the invention
Of THE POODLE now the reason
The poodle was such a big mistake is
Because God originally wanted to build a
Schnauzer, but he fucked up now
A long time ago
The poodle used to be a very
Attractive dog the poodle had hair evenly
Distributed all over it's small
Piquant canine type BODY that's the
Way it used to be, the poodle used to be a
Regular looking dog you know it's true
I guess you do too (Oh, I have to
Kiss you? Oh okay)
Anyway listen, check this out the
Poodle used to look good, you know the
Regular dogs that used to hang out in
The neighbourhood looked at the poodle
Didn't think anything of it you know
They didn't use to make fun of it in the
Olden days but the WO-MAN, as you know
Has always been much smarter than the mAN
Guy In The Audience:
You're the best!
That stuff is very bad for
You, throw it away
Okay now you're interrupting my
Story, now listen what is that? Is that the
Tower of Power or what? Oh no
No, it's one of those dope fiend devices
Take it away now listen:
The WO-MAN has always been much
Smarter than the MAN, you know this is true
And so it was since the beginning of time
The MAN would do anything to get
Some pussy and that's why the WO-MAN
Always had control over him
In the beginning the WO-MAN looked the MAN
Directly into the eye and said: "I
Tell you what
Why don't you go get a job because
I could use a few nice things
Around the house mainly what I need
Is a clipper, a scissors, and a pair of
Zircon encrusted tweezers"
(Thank you very much)
And of course the MAN did his duty as they
Say in the trade he went out and he
Got a goddamn job went out and pushed
That broom around for about a
Dollar-298 an hour
Brought his money back to the garden
Of Eden and gave that money to the WO-MAN
The WO-MAN ran out the back door
Of the garden of Eden, went directly to the
Hardware store, got the clippers
The scissors and the zircon encrusted
Tweezers and came back and
While the MAN was very tired
From having his job while he was sleeping
The WO-MAN got a hold of
The POODLE because the WO-MAN
Had noticed earlier that the length and
Proportion of the poodle oral
Appendage, the tongue of the dog in
Other words, ladies and gentlemen, was very
Much to her liking
Except that this dog had too goddamn
Much hair on it it
Didn't have the disco look
That's so popular nowadays
And so the WO-MAN sat out to modify the
Aforementioned dog let me get a little
Uh, visual aid
Now she took the dog and she cleaned
It up a little bit you see, she took a
Little bit of the back part here
Around the neck, the thorax, the tootsies
Got all of the unwanted
Extranious material off
This area which we shall call
Burbank then she set the little sucker
Up like this, really nice, got his
Mouth set up like that and squatted right
ON HIM looking down into the dog's
Eyes she looked down into the dog's eyes
Do you know what she said to the
Shortly thereafter God made three big
Mistakes the first mistake was called MAN
The second mistake was called
WO-MAN, and the third mistake
Was the invention
Of THE POODLE now the reason
The poodle was such a big mistake is
Because God originally wanted to build a
Schnauzer, but he fucked up now
A long time ago
The poodle used to be a very
Attractive dog the poodle had hair evenly
Distributed all over it's small
Piquant canine type BODY that's the
Way it used to be, the poodle used to be a
Regular looking dog you know it's true
I guess you do too (Oh, I have to
Kiss you? Oh okay)
Anyway listen, check this out the
Poodle used to look good, you know the
Regular dogs that used to hang out in
The neighbourhood looked at the poodle
Didn't think anything of it you know
They didn't use to make fun of it in the
Olden days but the WO-MAN, as you know
Has always been much smarter than the mAN
Guy In The Audience:
You're the best!
That stuff is very bad for
You, throw it away
Okay now you're interrupting my
Story, now listen what is that? Is that the
Tower of Power or what? Oh no
No, it's one of those dope fiend devices
Take it away now listen:
The WO-MAN has always been much
Smarter than the MAN, you know this is true
And so it was since the beginning of time
The MAN would do anything to get
Some pussy and that's why the WO-MAN
Always had control over him
In the beginning the WO-MAN looked the MAN
Directly into the eye and said: "I
Tell you what
Why don't you go get a job because
I could use a few nice things
Around the house mainly what I need
Is a clipper, a scissors, and a pair of
Zircon encrusted tweezers"
(Thank you very much)
And of course the MAN did his duty as they
Say in the trade he went out and he
Got a goddamn job went out and pushed
That broom around for about a
Dollar-298 an hour
Brought his money back to the garden
Of Eden and gave that money to the WO-MAN
The WO-MAN ran out the back door
Of the garden of Eden, went directly to the
Hardware store, got the clippers
The scissors and the zircon encrusted
Tweezers and came back and
While the MAN was very tired
From having his job while he was sleeping
The WO-MAN got a hold of
The POODLE because the WO-MAN
Had noticed earlier that the length and
Proportion of the poodle oral
Appendage, the tongue of the dog in
Other words, ladies and gentlemen, was very
Much to her liking
Except that this dog had too goddamn
Much hair on it it
Didn't have the disco look
That's so popular nowadays
And so the WO-MAN sat out to modify the
Aforementioned dog let me get a little
Uh, visual aid
Now she took the dog and she cleaned
It up a little bit you see, she took a
Little bit of the back part here
Around the neck, the thorax, the tootsies
Got all of the unwanted
Extranious material off
This area which we shall call
Burbank then she set the little sucker
Up like this, really nice, got his
Mouth set up like that and squatted right
ON HIM looking down into the dog's
Eyes she looked down into the dog's eyes
Do you know what she said to the