Frank Zappa - Briefcase Boogie lyrics

Anything you say, master! Take me, I'm yours!

(Broadway-style fake singing)
Jingle bells, Jingle bells
Jingle all the way!
Oh, what fun it is to ride
To Chicago every day, oh

Oooh, lawd! Lookit you
Boy! Chain thoo de nipples 'n
Evvy goddam thing! You a
Sick white muthafucker, ain'tcha?

Bells on bob tail ring
Making spirit's bright!
Oh, what fun it is to ride
To Chicago every night, oh

For Chrissake, RHONDA! Have you no SHAME?

Y'all make up y'mind yet


'bouts de MAMMY o' yo' dreams?

You bet! I've waited ALL MY LIFE
For this moment! My heart
Is fluttering! If only I could
Submit myself on approval
For a limited time onlyto to that nasty
Little rubber MAMMY on your knee

SISTER OB'DEWLLA 'X'? De mys'try SISTER?
Y'all wants t'party hearty
With de min'yature rubber MAMMY
Wit de string out
De back? Yow! Dintcha get 'nuff
'buse fum de other
Bitch when y'was livin' in de card-bo'd hut?

HARRYhaRRYhey! HARRY! Fucking
Wor-r-r-mmmmmm! I want a DIVORCE
HARRY!

Not now, dearest, PLEASE! This
Is serious! Little MAMMY
What'll it be? Hips or lips?

HARRY snatches SISTER OB'DEWLLA 'X'
Away from THING-FISH
Bashing himself with it in
An irrational manner

RHONDA un-zips the Santa Claus costume
Revealing the rubber body suit
Hoping for some sign of interest from
Her deranged husband there isn't anyhe's
Beating the fuck out of himself and
Loving every minute of it

She squeezes her rubber tit's
As if to squirt them at him still no interest

You're a wor-r-r-r-mmm! A
Fucking WOR-R-R-R-M-M-M-M-M-m-m-m-m-mMMMMM!
These are my TITS, hARRY! I
Have TITS! Look! LOOK AT ME!
Look at my wonderful tits
YOU FUCKING WOR-R-R-R-R-M-m-m-m-m-mMM!
I'm going to pretend I'm SQUIRTING
THEM ON YOU! Whoo! W heee! ALMOST GOTCHA!

Not now, RHONDA! Ow! Oof! Oh, I love this!
Hurt me! Hurt me! Oh, pull my chain
You tiny potato headed whatchamacallit!

They're almost squirting
HARRY! Look! Look! Whoooooo! Whooooo!
Whoooo! You fucking worm!

OB'DEWLLA! Is y'awright? Don't be pullin'
De boy's chain too hard
Dere! He gots 'nuthuh show
T'do t'morrow! Don't put dat in yo' MOUF
Girl! I knows y'cain hep y'seff
Wit dat crazy muthafucker 'busin'
You like dat
But jes' hang on a lil' longuhhe be
Droppin' de wad putty soon now!
(pinching her nipples, jiggling her tit's)
Jingle bells, jingle bells

Oh! This is divine!

This is my PUSSY, HARRY! Look! See it? You
Know what I'm gonna do with it
You worm? I'm gonna
Make it FUCK SOMETHING! That's right!
You won't get any
Of itbecause you're DISGUSTING! An'
I don't need you, mR fIRST-NIGHTER! My
Wonderful, wonderful pussy doesn't need you!
I have my BRIEFCASE
HARRY! I'm going to FUCK MY
BRIEFCASE! I'm going tolook! Look
At this! I got it right over here! There! See
It? My BIG, BROWN, BRIEFCASE!
MY BRIEFCASE! It's BIG
HARRY! It's full of BUSINESS
PAPERSfrom MY CAREER!

A tan and brown briefcase, seven feet tall
Is lowered in fRANCESCO watches it land
Near his window he exit's
The bungalow with a can of
Crisco and a violin
Case n pantomime, he cautiously
Interrupts RHONDA'S monologue
Suggesting that she examine the contents
Of the case it contains a strap-on dildo of
Such ridiculous proportions that
A chain leading from just behind
The head of it must
Be hooked to a leather dog
Collar around RHONDA'S neck
In order to hold it up fRANCESCO
Recommends the Crisco as a lubricant
Daubs on a bit with a miniature doll's
Foot, finally indicating that she conceal her
Pubic hair with a cardboard box
In the manner preferred by
Famous singing Christians

RHONDA reaches inside the briefcase and
Locates her 'SPECIAL ATOMIC GLASSES'
(with tiny doll arms reaching out
Through tiny cardboard boxes)
And puts them on

She reaches in again and finds
An artificial hamburger with
A red ribbon on it she mounts it on
Top of her head, tying the ribbon in a
Neat bow below her chin ready at last
She humps the briefcase vigorously

I'm gonna put my GLASSES ON, HARRY! I'm gonna
Put my hair up in a BUN! Then
I'm going FUCK FUCK FUCK! Ha ha ha
Hahhhhh! Look! See me? See how
I got my hair up? Whooo! I'm
REALLY DOING IT! Unngh! Unngh!

RHONDAhave you no SHAME! Keep
The briefcase closed
For chrissake! All your documents
Are falling out!

Unngh! I'm GOOD! Oh God I'm good! Harder!
Faster! Unngh! Unngh! This is TERRIFIC! Boy
I need it so bad

Those are the Warner Brothers files
Aren't they dear? Don't you
Think there'll be some
Questions about the condition of
The blue paper?

Girl! Bes' be careful wit de latch!

I'm sucking the handle now
HARRY! Look! M-m-m-mmm! It
Tastes GOOD! M-m-m-mmm!
M-m-m-mmm! The handle! The handle!

Hurt me, oB'DEWLLA! Make me whimper and beg
For your tiny rubber love!

After nibbling on it as if it
Were a giant piece of corn-on-the-cob
THING-FISH hands RHONDA an oversized
Pink fountain pen with her name on the clip

I've got a fountain pen
HARRY! I've got a fountain pen with
MY INITIALS on it! I'm putting
It in my mouth
HARRY! I'm gonna get it wet! I'm
Gonna stuff it up my asshole
And ride the briefcase again
You disgusting perverted
Bastard worm! I'm gonna do it! Look
HARRY! Whooo! Unngh! Unngh! God damit
HARRY! Watch me! This is for your own good!