Frank Zappa - If I Was President lyrics

If I was President? I think I'd do a fine job

Because first of all I don't owe
Anything to anybody and
I don't believe in the platform of any
Of the parties so I would start
From scratch and make it up
As it went along and there's no way
That anybody in any public office
Is gonna get 100% of the public
Liking his or her policies
And so you just take that as a
Given and you can do things

If I were going to run here's
Exactly what I would do
First of all I would file
As a candidate of no
Party and all I would do is
Raise enough money to get
On the ballot in every state
And I wouldn't campaign

And I happen to think that the
News media would call me up
To ask me what do you think
About this and I would
Tell 'em and let the other guys
Spend their money and argue about
It but just being completely outside
Of the circuit I think
You could get enough information into the
Marketplace of ideas to let them
Know what you thought about various things
And the day that they got to go to the poll
When they're just sick to death
Of next season's Willie Hortons or
Whatever it's going to be
There would be an alternative there'd just be
Something that you could check on the
Box that would enable you to vote against
The rest of what politics is

Whether it's me or somebody else
I think that that is the key
To breaking the way politics is
Conducted in the United States
'cause it's going to
Be a long time before any of these
Practitioners really change the
Election procedure
They're not gonna make it fairer, they're
Not gonna make the expenditures lower
They're just gonna try and keep
It going the way it is and the
Only hope that this democracy and
I use the word advisedly in the
Case of the United States
'cause it's almost evaporated
The only way that you can have a
Choice is for somebody to come up
From nowhere and do it just the way
I described, completely outside the system
As simply as possible

And that would enable the voters that
Are fed up who are
Always saying one of the reasons
Why they don't go
To the polls is 'cause there
Is no choice if they
Know that this time they would have a choice
No matter whether whatever the
Candidate is just to
Have a third box that you could check
These guys with these the helmet hair
These custom molded guys that have
Sprayed the hair never
Moves and they all do like this and
Like have these terrible little hand gestures
That they got out of a
Comic book someplace and they say
The same things and uh
It's boring and it's insincere
I find it hard to believe that 250
Million people in this country really
Buy into that i think that the
Reason why they're able to hang
On to their positions or get into
The office in the first place
Is because there isn't anybody willing to
Look at them and say
"You're fake! You're just just that
I feel sorry for you
That you have to live your life being a fake"