Frank Zappa - Learning Penis Dimension" lyrics

"Hi, friends now just be honest about it
Friends and neighbours did you ever consider
The possibility that your penis, and in
The case of many dignified ladies
That size of the tities
Themselves might possibly
Provide elements of sub-conscious tension "
See, the trouble here, Frank
Lies in the fact
That on that sheet it says "that size
" it doesn't say "that the size" therefore
Get a pencil and write in "that the size"
Could I have a well, I'm sorry
" weird
Twisted anxieties which could force a person
To become a politician, a policeman, a narc
A casket maker " an usher!
A musician
"Or in the case of the ladies, the
Ones that can't afford a silicon beef-up
Become writers of hot books!"
"I placed my burning phallus
Between her quivering quim!"
"A carmelite nun!"
"She placed my burning phallus
Between her quivering quim!"
"Or jockeys! There is no reason why
You or your loved one
Should suffer things are bad enough
Already without the size
Of your organ adding even more
Misery to the troubles of
The world! If you are a
Lady with munchkin tit's
You can't console yourself with this
Age old line "
No, "you can console yourself"
"You can console yourself with this
Age old line from " simmons!
Pooo-hhh! pooo-ahh-ahh! And if you're a guy
"Anything over a mouthful " " is wasted!"
"And if you're a guy and you're ashamed
Of your dick and somebody hit's on
You one night in a casual conversation
And turns to you and says, uh "
"Eight inches or less!"
"You just swivel right back around and look
This sonofabitch straight in the eyes
And say "