J. Gillie - Misconceptions of a Man lyrics

I said I reached my fucking end
Don't know where I'm Goin
Putting all this in but
The debt steady growing
Watching rain drops pourin
Where the fuck is my umbrella?
Swinging at these demons like
The Thrilla in Manilla but I got Ko'd
Now I'm on this lonely road contemplating
Wonder why my momma and
My daddy started hating?
Baby momma up in the courts she's debating
Now the kid's all her's grabbed
Them up now shes skating
Oh Lord! What am I doing?
I see the devil clearly
We had a conversation and he
Says he fucking feels me
But the thing that just kills me man
I thought I was a strong christian
Til these suicide thoughts switched
Up my position now I'm on this road hope
My swerves lead to death
Apology letter forgot to fucking write it
Shit!
12 Gauge and some buds all I'm riding with
I feel alone in this world even Jesus left me
He said my feelings didn't matter
I was too pesky
So now I drive this fucking car like a maniac
And try and get back to that
Place where he made me at
But that's the same damn place
That he framed me at
I was plagued with dark days and ill wills
Bad dreams, OD pills and cold chills
"Ayo chill!" the advise from the homie
Swear that we were best friends
But he ain't really know me
Cause he ain't never show me a
Way up out this sorrow
Never lent time so I couldn't even borrow
So muthafuck tomorrow hope the
Sun sets forever and when it raise up don't
You dig my grave up
Memories erased and a soul unscathed
Hoping one day that he will be saved
He's misunderstood he's tryna find a way
But the only person speaking fluent
Is the gun play but yet I reconsider
Heart is feeling bitter
I was raised in the muck
But never raised to be a quitter
Go find an Outfitter who can sew
A heart on a sleeve
Got a nigga feeling anxious
Like it's Christmas Eve
Cause we perceive everything to be okay
Were telling them our problems they
Proceed to run away
I'm thinking to myself there has
To be a better way
I guess it comes down to do I go or do I stay
Or do I relay my message flowing freely
While driving 85 eyes closed on this freeway
I'm peeking though
I hope I make the right decision
Thinking with precision
For this ultimate collision
Cause ain't no coming back
Jack that's the way of life
And a wise man said you can't live it twice
My doors ain't the only
Thing thinking suicide
I should've been gone thank God
For this foolish pride
Father time is knocking I gotta make a choice
Cause if I die now the demons will rejoice
But if I stay here my
Eyes forever feeling moist
My eyes forever feeling moist
Is this really what I wanna do?
Is this really where I wanna go?
Fuck this shit grab a gat
And let your mind blow