John Grant - Diet Gum lyrics

I manipulate, that is what I do
I manipulate, that's what I'm doing to you
That smirk on your face was designed by me
I fucking curated it, like magically
I manipulate, that is what I do
I manipulate, that's what I'm doing to you

You don't like what I've become?
What d'ya expect to happen?
You come around with your lips flapping
All hopped up on diet gum
And everything you say is supposed
To make me cum

Like, I should feel grateful you
Are in my life
But, I'd rather dig out my own
Spleen with a butter knife
Hey, I've got some Gaines-Burgers you can
Have if you want 'em you might as well
You've clearly hit rock bottom

You probably hang out at Times Square
With Maytag Blue in your pocket
And around your neck is
Your grandmother's locket
With a picture inside of what
You might have been

Sound familiar?
Do you even know where that cheese
Is made? It's from Iowa
You dullard ever heard of it?

I knew this guy from Ames, Ames, Iowa
Patrick he was so not to be into
In the most extreme way

By the way
Your bedside manner is reminiscent
Of a chuckle of hyenas, except, yes, it is
A chuckle of hyenas, dr turdface
It's a collective noun do you even
Know what a collective noun is, stupidzilla?

Hmm let's see, I think your group would
Be called a misery, or, no
A patheticness of fuckwit's
Oh, oh right, pardon me, your doofusness
A patheticness of baristas

I manipulate, that is what I do
I manipulate, that's what I'm doing to you
That smirk on your face was designed by me
I fucking curated it, like magically
I manipulate, that is what I do
I manipulate, that's what I'm doing to you

You know, being with you was like a
Cross between Cannibal Apocalypse
And Lassie 9
Except nowhere near good as both
Of those movies were
It's still a personal conundrum of mine how
Anyone can have such view of self-awareness

I manipulate, that is what I do
I manipulate, that's why you just took a poo
In those slacks you're wearing
Is that a leisure suit?
Did you make that yourself?
That's a rhetorical question

I manipulate, that is what I do
I manipulate, it's rather easy with you
You're sort of begging for it
With your stupid face
You're like Daffy Duck about to be erased

Did you really think you could seduce
Me in a leisure suit?
Well, I, yeah, okay, fair enough
But, that was like, three weeks ago
I'd like to see you try that now!

Uh, uh, I'm not staring at
Your crotch, you maynard, i'm not!
Well, it's hard not to, I mean
You practically dislocated your own hips
Thrusting it at me you're li-
You're like that neon sign that
Keeps Kramer up all night
Yeah, I guess you did keep me
Up all night a few times

Really? 463? How could you know that?
We only went out for a year
What? Oh, I don't know, I
Was just gonna order out, i was gonna-
Well, sure, I guess so

Hey, um, i'm sorry I sorta snapped at
You a few minutes ago
It's nothing personal, I hope you know that

I manipulate, that is what I do
I manipulate, that's what I'm doing to you
That smirk on your face was designed by me
I fucking curated it, like magically
I manipulate, that is what I do
I manipulate, that's what I'm doing to you