La Dispute - Kinross lyrics

Did I follow each life
Spidering outward to it's end
Where a thrown cafeteria chair struck glass
And shattered it how the wires inside held
And made webs and like the faces beyond
I could not touch
But stared the patterns down
Looking for meaning looking like them
For relief i am there only in this
And could not complain
I can find relief at any turn
Where all around my whole life
Laid purpose and no one stood between
No one tied my hands
But there again is that feeling:

Guilt the deep cold
Sweeping downward from the lake above
Guilt too for feeling
Guilt my breath
Against the glass a ghost
Guilt watching prison guards
Flee violence they freed
From people they would not
And because I did not know
And so I did not care guilt
Then all this cowering
Didn’t I once feel courage?
Ambling the clearing to my blind alone
129 miles from Kinross by road
Or comfort only that my
Father knew the woods no matter what
And could find me
With or without fresh cover
Scouring the landscape safety orange
And my skin bright white
Like snow and fire amid the forest tones
Amid the harsh wind
Amid the echoed howl of wolves
Throughout the marsh I sat
And counted bullets just in case
They came for me

But, I did not know dying then
And still don’t only that I am me now
And it isn’t what I’d thought I’d be
Except for love the difference is the fear
The guilt I can’t connect them
The courage the cold air I miss here
And isn’t even home now
The vision I have of your face laughing back
While wind battered us
Snow to our knees and somewhere
Deep below either beach or water who knows?
But, I felt brave again there
Nothing I could or would not do
To keep living with you
While the wolves bayed
And the prison nearby burned
Nothing I would not do to find us