Levi The Poet - When I Go to Meet God lyrics

When I go to meet God
I'm gonna have to be honest
I'm gonna have to tell the truth
Not a day went by that I didn't doubt you

You always said, "Don't grow up too fast
You're just a boy"
But, it's better to be in the house
Of sorrow than the house of joy
And if I could have a heart
Like David, that resembles yours
Then what are the odds Solomon's sadness
Might have creeped in somewhere
To even the score? Dear Dad
Do you remember when I was always sad?
You and mom called it my "depressed year
" and I know it was pretty bad
What drives a child to want to
Give up everything he has?
What makes a person think that?
What makes a mother's son decide that
Death is better than tomorrow?
Inside of each and every
Breath that I "borrowed"
I held onto the sorrow and thought:

"I'll never be able to repay Jesus
With the way I live"
And now I'm thinking so much
That I've screwed everything up
And I don't even know if you exist

So I may as well not exist

So when I come to meet you
I'm gonna have to be honest
I'm going to tell the truth
Not one day has gone by
That I haven't doubted you

But, I never told you both that
I almost killed myself i did
I almost drove my car right
Off that highway bridge
And as I picked up pace
Prayed to God that he'd forgive me
If I went through with it:
This is not a life worth living
I've already ruined it!

Mom, dad, sister, friends, family -
If I never see you again I hope
You live out your lives happily
Give my dog a kiss of the lips and
All of my writings go to Isaac -
Man, the one's about me and you are
Not meant to be kept in private
Make them your own and write
Your songs to inspire
The world the way I wish that I did
Sister, you're beautiful
Don't ever let them take that away
Don't let yourself become just another
Face with no name get to know Isaac better
You two can collaborate
(your voice is more beautiful than
His has ever been, anyway)

Mom, I'm sorry the last time we talked
We fought i'm just so sick of pretending
To be somebody I'm not
And years down the line when
I am all but forgot
You were my last thought

And to finish the note before I
Get up to go, dad
I'm sorry I kept all this pain inside -
This will hurt you more than anyone else
When I breathe my last I will pray that you
Can forget your past in all of this
And try not to blame yourself

I tried to find a reason to stay alive!
I love you all so much goodbye

God I'm coming to meet you now!
I suppose this decision doesn't
Display much trust, but
If you are real and really out there
Then make me feel like I'm talking
To something more than the ceiling!

Dear mom, i'm getting better at writing
Happier things -
I know you'll never understand it but
I'm attached to the sadness
And it rings true when I sing, and
There's a little bit of healing
Inside all of our suffering
As I have a savior that took
Up my suffering for me
And as I drove down I40 to collide with 25
I swear to God something forgotten
Came alive to me inside
And this little memory sparked a reason
To risk life one more night:
On christmas morning I don't
Want my sister to
Wake up without her brother by her side!

Tear me to pieces, my sweet suicide!
For to die is gain
And to live is Christ so I will
Make you the apple of my eye

When I come to meet You
I'm going to come complete
As You have completed me
I'm going to come whole
And I am begging to come happy