Morcheeba, Slick Rick - Women Lose Weight lyrics

What a surpriser, open your eyes
A woman advisor

The name of this entertainment
Is "Women Lose Weight"
Our first years of marriage
Everything was just great
But after two kids and
The weight gain factors
Fact is, now, she's completely unattractive
Look, fat chicks, I don't mean to sound rude
I tell her nice, "Hit the gym
And don't eat so much food"
But no "You're shallow you need
To run the course
Of unconditional love and so forth"
But how? If desire's not there
That's just delayment
Divorces, child support, alimony payments
My unhappiness, I doubt, discouraged
So hurry for an easier way
Out of this marriage
Meanwhile, my secretary, June, well-groomed
"When you gonna leave your wife?"
I tell her, "Soon, mama, soon, I assume"
Or my destiny is blue
Interestingly, the only thing left for me
To do is to kill her
What a surpriser, open your eyes
A woman advisor i'm gonna have to kill her
'Course there's laws which enforces divorces
Send that ass right to the morgue, miss
(Kill her) what a surpriser, open your eyes
A woman advisor i'm gonna have to kill her
'Course there's laws which enforces divorces
Send that ass right to the morgue, miss

My plans against or shenanigans
Kinda ran thin
Knowing nothing 'bout poisoning
And I can't swim bad intentions pumping
Might as well become numb
Cut her lungs or the
Obvious robbery gone wrong but the catch is
Do I have the nerve to dispatch this?
Who can I get to help
Me murder this fat chick?
Guess I'll have to play a dude robbing
On Wednesday
The day she usually goes food shopping
Anyway, long story short
Hit the side of her Chrysler
Sent her clean over the divider
"You bastard!" she said
As the wreck went tumbling down
The hill, I thought, "She has to be dead"
Later on, get a call
(From a) Lieutenant O'Rourke
(Had me) Leaping like a frog: "We
Need you at the morgue"
So I selfishly pursued, "Boo hoo"
There was nothing else for me to
Do I had to kill her
What a surpriser, open your eyes
A woman advisor
C'mon, y'all, you know I had to kill her
'Course there's laws which enforces divorces
Send that ass right to the morgue, miss
(Killed her)
What a surpriser, open your eyes
A woman advisor i had to kill her
'Course there's laws which enforces divorces
Send her ass right to the morgue, miss

So you mean to tell me
Officer you don't have no clue
Who did this hit-and-run?
No, sir, we don't have no clues right now
This is terrible what am I
Gonna tell the kids?
Pull yourself together, sir
I'm so broken up inside i
Just can't believe this
I understand, I understand
Catch the person who did this
We're gonna try, sir please

Screaming, "Who done took my heart?"
Acting shooken up a lot at the funeral
Though everyone was looking at me odd
Like I did it like I was
The reason my mate's slain
Murmuring, "I heard he was displease
D with her weight gain"
While my secretary, sort of a sexy blonde
Can't cook all she does
Is order from restaurants
("All of the sex you want")
I doubt could address
Clothes not washed proper, and
House look a mess, and
Talking to detectives that
Was waiting outside
How I took a long lunch break
Day the wife died i darn near turned pale
And because of betrayal
They indicted me, gave me an impossible bail
Good fortune to anyone admiring the rotten
Moral of the story is: Desire is important
So watch your weight it'll keep your
Mate smitten it's a given
Though looking back
I realized: I didn't have to kill her
What a surpriser, open your eyes
A woman advisor i didn't have to kill her
'Course there's laws which enforces divorces
Send that ass right to the morgue, miss
(I killed her)
What a surpriser, open your eyes
A woman advisor i didn't have to kill her
'Course there's laws which enforces divorces
Send that ass right to the morgue, miss

Well, there you have it keep thin, trim
Keep your marriages healthy
You know what I mean?
Small message from Morcheeba and
Slick Rick the Ruler peace