Nathan Lane, Roger Bart - Invocation and Instructions to the Audience lyrics
[Nathan Lane, Roger Bart - Invocation and Instructions to the Audience lyrics]
Gods of the theatre, smile on us
You who sit up there stern in judgment
Smile on us
You who look down on actors
And who doesn't?
Bless this yearly festival and smile on us
We offer you song and dance
We offer you rites and revels
We offer you grace and beauty
Smile on us for this while
Gods of the theatre, smile on us
You who sit up there stern in judgment
Smile on us
We offer you song and dance
We offer you rites and revels
We offer you gods and heroes
We offer you jokes and insults
We offer you paeans and pageants
Bacchanals and social comment
Bless our play and smile
We offer you bacchanals and social comment
Bless our play and smile
Yes, but first… some dos and don'ts
Mostly don'ts: Please don't cough
It tends to throw the actors off
Have some respect for Aristophanes
And please, don't cough
Don't say, "What?"
To every line you think you haven't got
And if you're in a snit
Because you've missed the plot
(Of which I must admit
There's not an awful lot) still, don't
Say -
What?
If you see flaws, please
Don't drop your jaws, please
No loud guffaws, please
When actors enter late
When there's a pause, please
Lots of applause, please
And we'd appreciate
You turning off your cell
Phones while we wait
Unbelievable
Unbelievable
I think it's you
Hello? This really isn't a good time i said
This really isn't - can you hear me
Now? Can you hear me now?
Don't go "Oh!"
Each time you see an actor that you know
And if you have to use the lounge below
Don't wait until we're halfway
Through the show
Especially if you're sitting in the
Middle of a row
No smokes, no chow
Unwrap the candy wrappers now
When we are waxing humorous
Please don't wane
The jokes are obscure, but numerous
We'll explain
When we are waxing serious try not to laugh
It starts when we get imperious
And if you're in doubt, don't query us
We'll signal you when we're serious
It's in the second half
Do not intrude, please
When someone's nude, please
She's there for mood, please
And mustn't be embraced
If we are crude, please
Don't come unglued, please
Let's not be too strait laced
The author's reputation wasn't based
On taste
So please, don't fart
There's very little air and this is art
And if you feel offended don't lose heart
That's what the man intended he was smart
When everything's up-ended we can all depart
And now but first -
We start
You who sit up there stern in judgment
Smile on us
You who look down on actors
And who doesn't?
Bless this yearly festival and smile on us
We offer you song and dance
We offer you rites and revels
We offer you grace and beauty
Smile on us for this while
Gods of the theatre, smile on us
You who sit up there stern in judgment
Smile on us
We offer you song and dance
We offer you rites and revels
We offer you gods and heroes
We offer you jokes and insults
We offer you paeans and pageants
Bacchanals and social comment
Bless our play and smile
We offer you bacchanals and social comment
Bless our play and smile
Yes, but first… some dos and don'ts
Mostly don'ts: Please don't cough
It tends to throw the actors off
Have some respect for Aristophanes
And please, don't cough
Don't say, "What?"
To every line you think you haven't got
And if you're in a snit
Because you've missed the plot
(Of which I must admit
There's not an awful lot) still, don't
Say -
What?
If you see flaws, please
Don't drop your jaws, please
No loud guffaws, please
When actors enter late
When there's a pause, please
Lots of applause, please
And we'd appreciate
You turning off your cell
Phones while we wait
Unbelievable
Unbelievable
I think it's you
Hello? This really isn't a good time i said
This really isn't - can you hear me
Now? Can you hear me now?
Don't go "Oh!"
Each time you see an actor that you know
And if you have to use the lounge below
Don't wait until we're halfway
Through the show
Especially if you're sitting in the
Middle of a row
No smokes, no chow
Unwrap the candy wrappers now
When we are waxing humorous
Please don't wane
The jokes are obscure, but numerous
We'll explain
When we are waxing serious try not to laugh
It starts when we get imperious
And if you're in doubt, don't query us
We'll signal you when we're serious
It's in the second half
Do not intrude, please
When someone's nude, please
She's there for mood, please
And mustn't be embraced
If we are crude, please
Don't come unglued, please
Let's not be too strait laced
The author's reputation wasn't based
On taste
So please, don't fart
There's very little air and this is art
And if you feel offended don't lose heart
That's what the man intended he was smart
When everything's up-ended we can all depart
And now but first -
We start