Problematic - If I Were Happy lyrics

Let my emotions get the best of
Me I don’t address em’
You hear my story would’ve swore
I was broken record
Burned all my bridges when it's probably
Time to go rebuild em’
I wanna set a good example
For my future children

My insecurities the reason why
I feel abandoned
You give me happiness but I know
That it won’t be lasting
I get a glimpse of it and then
My whole world come down crashing
I’ve been through so much in my
Life that you could not imagine

My heart is fragile don’t you play with
It it’s not to mess with
Wish I could look at you and
Say that I was optimistic
If I need help I guarantee I wouldn’t open up
God you have saved me but I
Need to know I am enough

I gotta let my guard down
Or I’ll forever suffer
This rain cloud follows me and till
This day it still does hover
I’m way too hard on myself
Expectations like no other
A part of me that bothers me
I got it from my mother

My heart keeps growing colder
Distant as I get older
I can’t imagine who I would be
If I were happy
My heart keeps growing colder
Distant as I get older
I can’t imagine who I would be
If I were happy

I’m tired of making these excuses
On a daily basis we all want comfort if it’s
Unfamiliar will escape it
So many mistakes I have made I wish
I could erase em’ but it made me who I am
Today I should be thankful

Let’s just be realistic
This life is too precious
To waste away but I’m still
Dealing with internal stresses
I often fantasize on what it would be like
If I was happy and I didn’t have a petty side

These strong beliefs that I
Behold are truly damaging
Maybe things are not as bad
As they appear to be
I’m locked in prison yet I am
The one that holds the keys
I had to reach a point of
Failure so I could believe

My heart keeps growing colder
Distant as I get older
I can’t imagine who I would be
If I were happy
My heart keeps growing colder
Distant as I get older
I can’t imagine who I would be
If I were happy

I can’t explain how I feel right now so I
Have to spill it out on the page
I’m sorry if I disappoint and let you down
Wish it didn’t have to be that way

I’m so lost I won’t lie
Happiness the only thing that been on my mind
Another year gone time goes by
Same old me it’s a sad alibi

My heart keeps growing colder
Distant as I get older
I can’t imagine who I would be
If I were happy
My heart keeps growing colder
Distant as I get older
I can’t imagine who I would be
If I were happy