Ray William Johnson, Wax - Conspiracy Theory Guy lyrics

Here let me, uh
Let me log onto my Facebook really quick
I I gotta post this article
Have you guys seen the X-Files?
I mean it's basically a documentary

I'm unfollowing 'Cause you bother me
Your posts make me die inside
It's hard to read what's in your feed
Conspiracy Theory Guy

Ha, ha! He calls himself John Doe
'cause he's kinda discrete
'Cause he thinks he's hiding
From Illuminati elite (No)
But he's really just a troll
Who's sitting at home alone
Listening to Alex Jones
Waiting for me to tweet (I hate this guy)
Ha! I find his timeline quite appalling
And every other reply he says
"the sky is falling" (Oh my god)
And says that we should never
Vaccinate a human body
And if I argue with him man
"You're part of the Illuminati"! (yeah)
Well you should read what he posts
2Pac is alive, the moon landing's a hoax
(Chill) he thinks your phone is tapped, man
You just never noticed it
He thinks the weather's bad 'cause
The government's controlling it
It's all part of that secret society!
(What?) run by aliens living here quietly!
He should pack his laptop and
Take it for a ride
And if the Earth is really flat he
Should throw it off the side

I'm unfollowing 'Cause you bother me
You really should get outside
(Oh, you need to get some sun)
It's hard to read what's in your feed
Conspiracy Theory Guy
(Oh, you get on my nerves)

The government's after me! They tell
Me I'm a lunatic! (You are)
They tell me that my hat made
Of tinfoil is proof of it! (It is)
But, I'm used to it
'cause I'm a revolutionist
I wanna find the white house
Mailbox and poop in it!
They're trying to cover the truth!
Extraterrestrials connected to a
Government coup (That's crazy)
And that's connected to the pres
Which is connected to the feds
Which is connected to the web
And that's connected to you!
I posted up a picture of myself and my nephew
You commented below "Who's that kid
You're standing next to?"
"If you zoom in closely on the
Symbol on his left shoe
You'll notice that's the god of Scientology
Xenu"
"How far along is he into indoctrination?
Has he tried to poison
Your influenza vaccination?"
"You should stay very far away
From that little fool" i replied, "Dude
I haven't spoke to you since middle school"

I'm unfollowing 'Cause you bother me
Like what the hell, are you high?
(Ha, you must be stoned)
I'm not trying to hate but don't procreate
(Please don't have sex)
Conspiracy Theory Guy
(Ha, you should talk to a professional)

I can't reason with him 'cause
He doesn't understand facts (Nope)
Can't unfriend him 'cause I'm scared
He'll mail me anthrax (Ugh)
I don't trust him, he's a crackpot
I just taped over the camera on my laptop
(They're watching me)
For a while hadn't posted in all
'Cause he starts an argument on
Every post on my wall
And that's how it was in my Facebook world
Until Conspiracy Guy met Conspiracy Girl

And he immediately took her on a cheap date
They went to Cheesecake and talked
About the deep state
And ever since he never wrote me again
And now his whole timeline is
Just photos of them (Twinsies)
And no more posts about Big Brother run amok
Accusing me of how I'm all
Involved in the cover-up (Uh)
And I'm happy his life improved
But honestly, I kind of miss the dude