Riz Ahmed, Ayanna Witter Johnson - Benaz lyrics

You see things dipped in Benaz's life when
Dad crashed his car lost minicab license
He picked fights with Ma
He'd drink nights at bars
Wished he had a son redundant and drunk
Benaz tried stopping from shoving
Her mum around
So now he beats her like it makes him proud

The fat lips meant she had to quit Topshop
And now they beef and argue nonstop
She won't marry some freshie cousin
She's telling him he's only in it for
The passport and benefit's
But Dad doesn't get it or wanna you see
He's an immigrant with nothing
So his currency's honor
He already promised the relative she would
Be the bride for his son
Her second cousin said it would please her
But the young girl doesn't
Think like the geeza
She won't let him shut away
Her heart like a dealer
Mum backed her up and he left it
But to him this is worse than death
Disrespected

So now she doesn't work
But she runs domestics
Then one day at Tescos who woulda guessed it
The self-service checkout wasn't workin'
Then, outta nowhere, "Can I help you, ma'am?"
Get the hell out
It's her first crush from primary school
Haven't met since then
But when she smiles he still drools
"Long time, no see" "yeah, the irony"
Cool soon, buying milk and eggs
Becomes a nightly excuse

His name's Akin
An orphan, ain't got many friends
Suit's Benaz, she stays low key in the ends
He's not the usual wannabe macho
Guy with the Benz
He's studying optometry, skinny, not hench
He examines her green eyes
His heart does breakbeats
Smiles are swapped, soon
They find place to creep
They walk deep in woods
Where grass carpets feet
Phone bills grow in the dark, half-asleep

It's the real deal, he wanna do it proper
Puts on best suit
Knocks on door to ask the old codger
Akin asks her dad and he
Makes a little speech
But all he gets is a no
Like a kick in the teeth
'Cause his grandad's from the
Wrong tribe or village
He's from the wrong subset
Of the same religion
It's not a way to pick for
Yourself like you're the English
"Don't ever try to see her again
This is finished"

But love's persistent
Benaz and Akin can't resist magnetism
She feels so blue, but he soothes the hurt
Says they can't stop love and
Calls her his little Smurf

But soon they're seen by
Boys from the community that go out and fuck
White girls with impunity
Oh, gee! Misogyny meets old school hypocrisy
"What we do is fine
But our women must live honestly"
Word spreads, other people's whispers twisted
This innocent love into sinful kisses
"Control your daughter, what an awful family"
"She already backed out of a marriage and
Now she sleeps with any old boy"
Truth is, she's a virgin, yeah
But gossip is rarely the true version
Hurting the family the name is
Like losing the life savings
So Dad collects payment as bailiff
Pounds her flesh
Blood speckles all over the loo
Words can break bones and turn your eyes blue
She zones out
Goes numb as he kicks and slaps her
She listens to that rained
Down pitter and patter
The same pitiful rhythm
Of hypocritical chatter
From those who call her "whore, slut
Bitch" and slap her no matter

She has a special concealer
For these mornings
Applies to eyelids while the
Violent are yawning
Dawn brings a silence, she holds it close
She's a lily in it's lake and for now
She floats
With faith in her heart, she thinks
Maybe she should just play a part
In some imaginary poets tragic heart
'cause she's not gonna live a half life
She cleans pus from her hard eye
Smiles in the mirror, decides
Her choice either disobey Dad and risk death
Or prison jailed in her own
Home and sit there
She thinks, "Yes, I'll run away with Akin"

Sends text, wears frown as crown
Such a pitiful princess
Says "Meet me in the forest
If you honestly love me
Before dawn comes and the sky's still lovely
Dad beat me up again, I want you to hug me
We gotta run away, bring clothes and money"
'Cause she knows she's good
She's fed up of should
She puts on her red hood
And rides into the woods

If I knew I'd live in shame
Just to be near you i would do it all again
I would do it all again

If I knew I'd feel this pain
Just to be near you i would do it all again
I would do it all again

When she went into the woods that day
She was in for a big surprise
A bunch of guys from 'round the way
Drunk after a rave
Spied them both with suitcases running away
They'd gotten away
Like hyenas fast upon them
As if drunk sleazebags must guard her honor
Some of them knew her cousin
So they grassed her properly
To the family what Daddy did
Could pass for horror
She lost use of her right eye
Eats through a straw
Right leg in a plaster at the hospital ward

Akin sneaks in to visit her
With scars on his jaw
From where Benaz's cousin's knuckles
Waged a war he cries
And he draws a little heart on the plaster
Puts a kiss on her eye
Tells her now it will heal faster
She said "I told doctors that
I happened to fall over
It's funny you call me Smurf
Now I'm blue all over
Be strong, my love, and try not to cry
And from on don't call me Smurf
You should call me Popeye"

He says, "No more jokes this mess must stop"
Convinces her she has to get
Some help from the cops
"I've tried twice when they beatin' me
They heard the screams
But Mum says that we don't need police
They turn and leave"
But Akin brought a constable with him
So Benaz spills the beans in the hospital
Sittin' there with her drip and the stitches
But it's clear that after six minutes
He thinks that she's fibbing
Isn't really trusting his witness he says
"The nurse told me that you
Fell down the stairs
Now you're changing your story
And though I see that you're scared
Your parents are crying
It doesn't make sense what you said
I can't put you in protection
'cause there's nothin' proven yet
Try going to a women's shelter
There isn't one nearby?
It shut down? Well, sorry, I can't help ya
Well, don't try and live with your fella
If anyone bothers you over there, well
You can just give us a bell, love
But it seems to me like you
Just want a council house
Stop wasting police time, please
That's all for now"

And as PC Plod is leaving
Her family sees him
They creep in the ward silently seething
Benaz can't control her breathing
Knows it's open season now
But she's too proud to plead with them
Akin asks them to leave
That they even came is hard to believe
Squares up to her father and grit's teeth
Uncles and cousin
Brothers are ready to rough him up
But her mother steps forward, say "No
Let's discuss it"

"Come home, Benaz i fought for you once
And if you really want this
Man as your husband then I'll trust him"
Her father apologizes, tries touching her
Mumbling
His agony for her to move out the way
But she doesn't he says, "Akin, what I did
Is hard to forgive, i understand
But if your heart is as big
As she thinks it is
Don't make her choose between
You and her family"
Her mom says, "It's alright, but my child
Benaz don't abandon me

Stranded, she feels primeval attraction
Her genes hanker for family
Sees hope in the old man's defeat
She wonders if her mother might
Collapse if she leaves
Breathe deep, says she'll give it a try
At least akin can't believe it
But he follows her lead
Makes peace, shakes hands
An uncomfortable squeeze
Benaz's one eye swells up in relief
If justice is blind, hope looks with one eye
(and leaps)

If I knew I'd live in shame
Just to be near you i would do it all again
I would do it all again

If I knew I'd feel this pain
Just to be near you i would do it all again
I would do it all again

She waddles through the door on crutches
Rushed in from hospital
They promised her the wedding
Would come quick
Dad says, "There's flowers and
Food to choose, come pick" her heart throbs
She half hops and half runs in
But something doesn't quite fit
"Why are the curtains shut, Ma
And why don't you sit?"
There's an empty suitcase but
The handles are ripped
White cloth lines the inside
Freshly stitched

Akin was told to go wait at
The mosque with the ring
She's home alone, feels the walls closing in
He said he'd call her when he gets
There but her phone don't ring
And in that moment, she knows
Her dad planned the whole thing

Akin got rushed by her cousins
Bottled by the one she wouldn't marry
Who wishes that she loved him
He tried struggling
But seven of them all punching him
He bleeds 'til his blood runs thin
Eyes shut, lights dim

Benaz is on her own again silence falls
Reminds her of dawn
Her heart blinks, Mum starts to cry
Her mask slips, "How far can I help you
The way you behaved you asked for it"
Dad just stares and broods
Then he bends down
Starts to undo the lace from his shoes
Holds them between his fists
Like an improvised noose
Benaz nods and then she lets a fire run loose

Swings her crutch far
She screams and chucks vase
"Fuck you, Fuck your honor
What about my heart?"
Her dad's on top of her now
And he's blocking her arms
He's stopping her from scratching
And bottles her hard
He's sitting on her leg as she gasps
She won't give up 'til the last
Legs broken, arms pinned
So she spit's on the bastard
Blood gathers in her face
The pressure presses against
The neck and Dad tightens it
And mumbles a prayer knuckles whiten
The lace frays
That windpipe tries to be brave, but
Now not even love can save her

Laces tighten around the neck
A world darkens cuts into her flesh
As her arteries harden the sound of her mum
Screaming distorts the laughter
The last thing she sees
The weeping face of her father

Eyes close
And her thoughts drift off as they do
To the memory of her daddy tying her shoes
By the school gates
But now he dumps her dead in a suitcase
Buries her in the garden with no
Mark on the youth's grave

They call police, say she just disappeared
They plead on TV and it's unsolved for years
Akin is brain damaged
Sleeps rough on the streets
He goes mad like Majnu
I know it's tough to believe
But he sleeps on concrete and
In the dark he grieves
Although he doesn't know why
He can feel his heart bleed
When he closes one eye
He can almost half see
In his mind is something lost
But he'll never find peace

Police find the body in the end
They say they're sorry and forced marriage
And honor killings must end
People say the parents are thugs
But they still fuck girls, then judge girls
Say they should wear hijabs
And soon enough, the cycle restarts

So play this to your mates
Based on a true story of Benaz
Dedicated to her and a hundred
Other pieces of grass
'Til the end of forever, there are no lasts
'Cause in the corner of some English field
Lies the true price of love

If I knew I'd live in shame
Just to be near you i would do it all again
I would do it all again

If I knew I'd feel this pain
Just to be near you i would do it all again
I would do it all again