Rucka Rucka Ali - Danny Tanner Rap (parody of "Marshall Mathers" by Eminem) lyrics

You know I just don't' get it
Last year I lived with my wife
And three little girls
This year I got half the
Neighborhood moved into my townhouse
What you need help with?
It's called room and board, bitch
Get the fuck outta here

You see I'm just Danny Tanner (Danny Tanner)
I'm just a hell of a guy
I don't know what Michelle
Would do without me (do with out me)
Everybody in the world seems to now
Be part of my family (part of my family)
Now everybody's got a problem and my
Job's to make them happy
(make them happy, yo)

You might see me walking my dumb dog Comet
Named after the powder we


Throw into the toilet this mutt's not ours
His mama snuck into the
House without knocking
Dropped some puppies out of her
Cunt and took off
My daughter thought we won't
Notice the dog barking
Gave birth on my property
Like a Mexican hopper
Whose fucking bed is this? Jesse Katsopolis
Mullet head
Another freeloader on my premises
Joey Gladstone, unfunniest of comics
Dumbass, toehead means your
Hair's got jaundice
Oh, come on now, cut it out
Cut it out? How 'bout I cut you
Out of my fucking list of dependents?
My fucking daughter must not know
What a garage is reversed Joey's car into
The fucking dishwasher
I'm so proud, my baby can't park
Least my dead wife never saw
Her turn out retarded (how rude?)
Never saw Michelle turn juvenile culprit
Disobeys me to stay up late
And watch Arsenio Hall
You got it, dude, got what
Bitch? You and Comet?
Uncle Jesse and half the ZIP
Code living at my address?
Oh I see, Jesse thinks this house isn't mine
Turned my basement into a studio and
Signed him a record deal
With a guy who's got the
Same Elvis hair he's got
Who he probably met on
Epstein's pedophile island

Jesse and the Rippers never had a hit
Their music sounds like shit
The Japs still gave those faggots
A number one club hit they said fuck it

Jesse Katsopolis don't want me
To play in his cringe little 90s
Beach Boys cover band then he hired Viper
Who banged my kid DJ, damn V
You're almost as bad as Tommy
Page hitting on Stephanie
A couple of pedos watch over my girls
Then some ghetto nerd crosses
Over into my world did I do that? Do what?
99% of crimes committed between
1981 and current year?
A house with three dudes but not gay
FBI probably got a pedo file on me
Wake up, San Franscisco, it's Chris Hansen
Sit down tell my why you told little
Baby Michelle to bend down
And remove diaper with two men
That have been found
To spend time with kids every
Time their dad went out
Look at the feds cricle the house again
We got three minors living in a house of men
And I don't need help from these
Men with giving my female kids
Baths and a scene with Uncle Jesse's penis
Teenagers, they're goddamn teenagers
Let 'em change clothes without you Joey
You pederast

I'm just Danny Tanner (Danny Tanner)
I got arrested for inviting
Pedophiles into my addy (my addy)
Apparently every fucking pedophile needs
To live around me (live around me)
Tell everybody in the fucking world to
Come move in with me

Is it because you love me that
You all fucking live above me?
Aunt Becky and two more fucking
Kids now live with hubby
Now because this hot talk show
Thot got knocked up
Then my top floor block is her locked spot?
The other townhouse next door
Is fucking empty
Their only kid is always fucking here
Kimmy Gibbler
Oh, I just stopped by to air out my feet
Use your telephone, eat your food
And go down on uncle Jesse
My fucking fat daughter getting
Plowed by that kid
He's like a fucking discount
Kmart Kirk Cameron shit, guess just stop by
After football practice
I'll just be here paying off
The mortgage and taxes
Which is it, Jesse? Katsopolis or Cochran?
Con man, faggot
Running around with a fake mustache
Raping Becky in the kitchen
While the audience laughs
So tell me, what the hell's a fella to do?
For every season that passes
Another relative moves in, hey
Jesse's uncle shows up to
Scream and act stupid (opa)
Joey Gladstone with his hand up
The ass of a woodchuck
The kid from Kindergarten Cop
Singing shit with Joey
Suddenly we know who taught him
About penises and pussies
Now Michelle brings her friends around
Let's allow everybody to watch the
Game at my house (hooray)
And then to top it off
My sister's got a chimpanzee
Who's probably related to the Greek
Side of the family
I step out of the house for a donkey weekend
Get back and see Jesse's playing
Songs with his friends
Okay, let me show you how I really do feel
Uh here, meet the Benell, eat up some shells
Now I finally could just have
This fucking house to myself
Goodnight Donna Jo, Stephanie, and Michelle

'Cause I'm just Danny Tanner (Danny Tanner)
I'm not a negative guy but I don't
Want all these fucks around me
(fucks around me)
Nobody ever else pays the rent
Especially not Becky (cially not Becky)
I'm gonna sit enjoy the quiet now
Fuck Uncle Jesse (Uncle Jesse)
You see, I'm just Danny Tanner
(Danny Tanner) i'm just a hell of a guy
I don't know what Michelle
Would do without me (do without me)
Everybody in the world seems to now
Be part of my family (part of my family)
Now everybody's got a problem and my
Job's to make them happy (make them happy)